Day 8

"True happiness involves the pursuit of worthy goals.  Without dreams, without risks, only a trivial semblance of living can be achieved".  Dan Buettner

1.  I'm grateful for:
     a.  the pure entertainment that can be found at community council meetings
     b.  finally jumping through all the hoops to get into the MSA ward
     c.  tying up loose ends from Texas

2.  So I went to a city council meeting tonight for the Greater Avenues area.  Something about civic duty mixed with curiosity prompted me to walk through those doors, and I came home feeling like I hit a gold mine of stories.  Unique characters with seriously intriguing personalities will be the highlight of future posts.  Tonight one borderline elderly woman spent a solid 5-10 minutes discussing a "traffic jam" in our little residential area at "rush hour" due to a maintenance truck taking up a lane.  She said she couldn't locate the workers, for all she knew they were "out to lunch" (said in a very stern, concerned voice with furrowed brow and all).  This perturbed her enough to call the city and file a formal complaint.  Flash backs of rush hour Dallas, or Philly or, oh gosh, miserable LA driving came to my mind.  But!  I wholeheartedly admit that it is because of these kinds of people that the community keeps functioning at a high standard.  So, thank you, my new friend, for spending your retirement years on hold listening to seriously crappy music.

3.  Exercise: house cleaning and cooking of meals for the next two weeks

4.  Meditation: UCLA has a Mindful Awareness Research Center with free guided meditations.  Sweet!  I started with the first breathing meditation.

5.  Random Act of Kindness: A little hello to a friend from the Dallas area

Day 7

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls." Mother Theresa


1.I'm grateful for:
   a.  gas being below $3 at Sams!
   b. getting my food storage squared away
   c. my mom giving me tips on saving

2. I went dancing at the Murray Arts Center entirely solo last night, and it turned out to be so much fun!  There was an older gentleman there, Tom, that came without a partner as well, and we coupled up nicely.  Good lead, quite handsome even for having a few years on him.  I forgot how much I love to west coast swing.  There's something so smooth and sexy about it, without it crossing the line of impropriety.

3. Exercise: Dancing the night away :)

4. Meditation: video during day, learned about controlling the internal thoughts even with external stress

5. Random Act of Service: helping out a few folks on the dance floor

Day 6

"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis


1. I'm grateful for:
    a.  My family at the adoption (Aunt Beth, brother, Lisa, Lisa's family)
    b.  Dancing around Ikea with Aunt Lorri
    c.  Rachel cheering me on like a mad woman during dodge ball

2. Today was a big occasion for our family because my brother, Greg, and his wife, Lisa, officially adopted their little girl, Emma.  All around it was filled with nuggets of happiness that will brighten the darkest of days.  One in particular was when I played with my little nephew, Tristan, while the court proceedings were going on.

So, Tristan was in the court room, running back and forth between the tiny gate that acts as a barrier between the audience and the participants of the court.  My poor brother was trying his darndest to keep him still, but that boy was born with an adventuresome spirit like mine.  So brother first picked him up and handed Tristan to his grandpa.  He, of course, wriggled his way out of that hold, came right back, and brother next handed him to grandma, to which he was better for a bit.  But still the little man is born with Houdini blood, and found his way out of her arms and back across the gate.  The third time brother handed the ninja munchkin to me, to which grandma gave me some solid weaponry.  Fruit snacks.  Glorious fruit snacks.

Oh, how I love thee, dearest fruit snacks.

  I'd usually just give him the pouch, but I knew he'd run right back with it to his dad (my brother).  So I sat there taking the fruit snacks, one by one, and slowly feeding it to him airplane style.  Except the poor pilot of the fruit snack plane unfortunately dabbled with the fermented grapes and kept missing Tristan's mouth.  Tristan would grasp at my arm and try to guide the scrumptious morsel in the right direction, but just as it came in for the landing, I'd shimmy the snack onto his cheek. or nose. or next door neighbor.   Each fruit snack bought me about 15 seconds of him sitting relatively still.  Granted, Tristan is a quick study, for he'd bob and weave to catch 'em.  And, boy, does that little guy have teeth.  Ouch! We made it through two pouches before he had enough of that game, but those few minutes I will forever love.

3. Exercise: dodge ball (I really can't count this one, I'll do better tomorrow)

4.  Meditation before bed tonight

5. Random Act of kindness: brought muffins for brother and family to eat for breakfast, Tristan was the only one who could eat something that sweet so early in the day

Day 5

"Happiness, not in another place, but this place... not in another hour, but this hour." Walt Whitman


1.  I'm grateful for:
     a. the beauty that exists with the change of the season
     b. actually having a purposeful fast for Fast Sunday
     c. friends that invite me to sit by them at church

2.  So my positive experience of the day could seriously last me all week.  It was that good.  Two of my dearest friends from Salt Lake came over for dinner, the darling Rachel and Marcie.  I love it when we get together because it's like one huge bucket fest of love.  You know those folks in life that you trust enough to share your struggles, your successes... your worries and fears and fun times and all that makes us who we are.  That's them.  And we love each other not in spite, but because of our imperfections.  We are, as one friend described her daughter, perfectly imperfect.  Tonight we left with challenges to each other; mine are to make a portrait of how Christ sees me, and the other is to work on an improved image of self.  That always could use a bit of polishing up, so... challenge accepted. ;)

3. Exercise: 3 mile walk through the memorial monuments and mountains

4.  Meditation: I have so much to learn in this field... seriously not my strong point.  But I can feel it's a undiscovered gem. What better way than to go to a well renowned source.  Matthieu Richard is Buddhist monk who started as a French molecular biologist and "found my way to the mountains."  It might be a bit tough to understand his French accent at first, but he has some spot on pointers to improve meditation.

5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a little love note to my mother

Day 4

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


1. I'm grateful for:
    a. My new friends Julie, Lisa, and Emily taking me fly fishing!
    b. glorious days where the weather is just perfect, nature is showing off its splendorus beauty, and life is filled with wonderful people
    c. always needed chat with Elana and George

2.  Loved every bit of today.  Julie taught me the basics of fly fishing (casting, terminology, etc), Emily rocked it by getting a few bites and she totally shared her delicious homemade grape leather. And Lisa kept me steady whilst I crossed the torrential water (k so it was a simple stream, but those are some slippery rocks).  I was in the water today, working on my throw, when something just clicked.  It was amazing when I stopped over-thinking it, stopped worrying that I'd hit one of the girls with the hook and I just let go, that I found myself in a zone.  Kind of like what I've felt during long bike rides or runs.  Except this time I was wading in water, hearing the breeze rustle through the grass, feeling the float line slide through my fingers as the line reeled out and pulling it back in over and over, drinking deeply of the beauty that surrounded me.  It was a perfect moment.  I didn't catch a single fish, but that really didn't matter because I found so, so much more.  For, I found a place of peace.

3. Exercise: can fly fishing count as exercise? ;)

4. Meditation video about breathing today

5.  Help my new friend Jen M. figure out a few specifics about a chicken coop

Day 3

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy "2 Nephi 2:25


Grateful for:

   a. an awesome bishop

   b. James, the checkout guy at the Wal-Mart fish license section

   c. Emma's smile (soon to be my little niece... adoption pending)

So tonight was my new MSA ward's Thanks for Giving dinner.  Delicious!  I met seriously awesome gals, a few which invited me to go fly fishing tomorrow (woot woot!).  I think the part I loved most was actually at the very end when I was heading out the door and sat a moment to chat with the cashier, Diane.  The silent auction bidding closed while we were in the midst of conversation, and there was this massive rush to the check out line.  Seeing that overwhelmed look on her face, I jumped right in and started processing people's orders, and we got through that line in no time.  It felt so good to pitch in and meet a few friendly folks along the way.

Exercise: Last Chance Workout DVD 30 min

Meditation: Endowment in the Timpanogos Temple today

Random Act of Kindness: see above story as a makeshift assistant cashier

Day 2

"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself."  -Benjamin Franklin


1. I'm grateful for:
    a. my Aunt being so flexible with my schedule
    b. friends that support me with my marathon training schedule
    c. a ridiculously adorable nephew and family in Halloween costumes

2.  I watched a documentary today about happiness, something I've absolutely loved studying since I discovered the field of positive psychology.  Working in a military town for the past few years, I dealt heavily with psychological disorders. I consistently sought better ways to help my patients empower themselves to live a healthier, happier life.  Wanting to test out the theories and tools from my research, I was my first test subject.  Yep, I would have totally been that guy that discovered H. pylori caused stomach ulcers by drinking a full glass of the nasty bacteria.  So I implemented the recommendations including balancing my life/work schedule, investing/building my social relationships, exercising consistently, keeping a journal, and developing a more meaningful relationship with my Heavenly Father (it's so funny to see the variety of labels the scholarly authors put on God... Spiritual Being, Higher Power, etc. Call Him what you will, He exists).  It is an understatement to say that these changes empowered me not only in my practice, but my personal life.  There's something to be said about looking a patient square in the eyes and solidly testifying that these techniques actually work.  I will forever be deeply grateful for those years of my life.

3. Exercise: Wii Fitness (Just Dance) for 30 min, trick or treating (counterproductive, no?) ;)

4. Meditation video

5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a letter thanking an old friend who helped me find ways to serve while was in Texas.

Day 1

1. Gratitude:
    a. finding the motivation to hang the rest of the wall photos
    b. friends inviting me to a ball
    c. having the time to paint my toenails

2.  It's amazing how something as simple and unexpected as classical music can be a soothing balm for a wounded heart.  Don't you worry, typical heartbreak.  It is so very difficult to end a relationship to a good man, a worthy man, that you know in your heart of hearts... he's just not the right fit.  At least at this time.  Who knows what the future will hold, but I realized that you marry the man who he is today, not something you hope he will become in the future.  Though I know I did the wounding to the both of us, it still can significantly hurt.  And so I was listening to a TED talk where a violinist started to play, and it was like instant water to desert soil.  No joke.  Needless to say, I was completely shocked; it stopped me dead in my tracks as I was cleaning the house.  I tested it out with Brahms, Mozart, Handel, Bach, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture.  The only one that was a definite nope was Orff's O Fortuna.  Offenbach's Barcarolle was especially soothing.  And so I am very grateful for this new discovery of classical music soothing a soul.

3.  Exercise: Dancing

4. 15 min Meditation Video

5. sent a text to a friend

I Choose Joy

It's been a minute since you've seen me around the block.  And I'd like to think quite a bit has changed over the years since my last post.  I've moved to SLC, and will be starting with the U of U.  I have a few weeks before my first day, and thought over this next little bit I'd take on the challenge of finding the good in life.  It all started with this TED talk.

5 Positive Points:

1. 3 New Points of Gratitude
2. Journal about one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hrs
3. Exercise
4. Meditate
5. A Random Act of Kindness

So for the next 21 days I commit to sharing the positive in my little life.  :)

Talking Beaver on the Highway

There's this guy who takes raw footage of animals and adds voices to the clips. I could not stop laughing for like a half hour.

K, so my poem writing skills are no good. But I thought no harm in trying.

The reason why I wrote it was actually because of a patient of mine that made a few crucial mistakes and wound up dealing with HUGE consequences. And it's kind of disheartening to see these young girls where puberty hit so early while their emotional capacity lags behind in childhood. And these girls, usually pressured by hormone filled guys, experiment with adult subjects far sooner than they should. And that leads to worse decisions that leave lasting emotional scars. It really does. Seeing perimenopausal women still become tearful about having an abortion as a teen is literally heart wrenching. To carry that weight for decades... I can't imagine.

well, so next poem will not be as heavy.

hi folks. k, so I'm trying my hand at writing a poem, and I'd like some feedback. a fwe of the lines need some work. I'd love ideas if you'd like to share

(title to be continued...)

I thought I loved you, but I was not sure;
though you seemed so through and through.
For those cliché lines poured from your lips
with such strength and confidence that sip by sip
I drank, and my doubts dissipated as you lured
me cunningly in with each intoxicating word.

Jiggers of promises, like liquid courage, filled
me with drunken anticipation. Yet, oaths spilled
from your soul seeming so honest and true,
in the light of sobriety showed the subtle proof.

The somber realization ensuing the altered sense
Left fixed scars sustained while under the influence.

I've been thinking about this for a bit. Let's see, how to start.

I lead a different kind of life. A veeery interesting type of life. I realized that my last post might have nauseated a few of you, perhaps a little too late. Deepest apologies. But for me, faux pas topics are becoming old hat. And perhaps it's just as well, because I can remember a time were I was so uncomfortable by image issues, the topic of sex, even bowel habits that I'd blush at the mere mention of it. It wasn't so long ago that I stuttered out the words "Ppp-p-p-l-ease describe your f-f-f-feces" and now, without batting an eye, "let's talk about your poop."

A world of difference. PA school really breaks you of that... I can't think of another profession were you see your classmates in their birthday suit on a weekly basis for months on end, or worse, have them see the stretch marks, the spider veins, all the flaws that make the physical you. And guess who was the one who drew the short end of the stick and had to be the patient for breast examination week. And here I should give a mini shout out to Joe, my teacher. Huge thanks for the confidence boost.

side note, shells, I'm working in Killeen for a large company in central Texas called Scott and White, and I'm in family practice right now. I'm really starting to love it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that at I know I definitely teeter with the "what's appropriate" topic line. As much as my mom wanted me to be, I'm not Jackie O. But I am someone that if you have a question, no matter how gauche you think it is, I've got no problem helping you find all the facts you need to make an informed decision.

A bone to pick with the inventor of the Whiff Test

There are some things in my profession that is, how shall we say, unsavory. Digital Rectal Exams… I must raise a choice finger to the inventor of that. Examining a “rash” to find out it’s scabies… fun for the whole family! Well, one of the least favorite tests I encounter is The Whiff Test. Now you’ve got to assume that any test with the word “whiff” and talking about a bodily function is gonna activate the up-chuck reflex, much like when physicians of yore actually tasted urine for glucose. And I can’t emphasize how true this is.

Obviously an attack on a favored sense of mine, the whiff test forces the examiner to sniff a glass slide prepared with a woman’s discharge from her, as one of my patients called it a “cookie,” sprinkled with potassium hydroxide. Performing the baptism is said to cause a fishy odor to develop if the woman is indeed cursed with this disease. Somewhat less appealing than the marvel of the loaves and fishes, this modern day miracle points the way for the power to heal. At least 70% of the time.

So, dear inventor, my deepest gratitude for the daily assault on my olfactory nerve.

and the decision is...

Number 4!



Yes, yes, i know I didn't mention the number four offer in the last post, but that's becuase I didn't want to jinx the Killeen interview by saying I already had it. So let's see what I've won:



A family practice clinic in a large military town outside Fort Hood with an 8a-530p job M-F, no call. No call means no working Sundays, no ringing in the middle of the night, no exiting a movie to adjust a patient's med. I've got a good feeling about this one.

gimmie a T, gimmie a H, gimmie a Y-R-O-I-D! What's that spell?!

So Mom and I are on a little trip down in Killeen for a few days while I look for housing. Yesterday we were tapped out with touring cookie cutter home after home so we decided to take a little jaunt to Austin. Well, as it happens I forgot to bring my thyroid medicine down with me, so by day four I was feeling a little tired. So much so, that by the time we finished the walking tour of the capital I had to take a little rest on one of the benches outside. And by that time Mom's leg was hurting bad that she needed a respite herself. As we're sitting, Mom turns to me and says:

"Man, getting rid of your thyroid was the worst thing you could do. You should have just left it."

I reply, "Well, if I'd of left it, ultimately my eyes would have started popping out of my head."

"What?! You're joking."

"Nope," I respond, "It's called exophthalmos. And can't you just picture me having to tell my patients good or bad news with HUGE buggy eyes." I continue, " So envision this, you're the patient and I waltz in looking like Rodney Dangerfield, you're gonna think I'm gonna tell you you've got two days to live when you've really got heartburn. And what if you actually have two days to live?! Do you really want to get that kind of news from a deer in the headlights provider. Nope. No good."

We laughed and laughed on that bench as we appreciated the silver lining.

working 9 to 5

Update on the job search. I just finished three interviews this past week, and I've got one more interview in Killeen tomorrow (well, today actually). And I've got three job offers so far.

Door 1: Family practice in Fort Worth. Decent pay, great supervising physician, good benefits. I'd work four 10 hour days M-Th and have the rest off (aside from call once every couple of weeks). Not so great: still using paper charts and old school x-rays, but plans are in the works for an EMR next year.

Door 2: Internal Med in Denton. Crap office, but will be upgrading by September. Very nice attending, but a horrible structure in the office. I'm knocking this one off the list.

Door 3: Dream job working in an emergency room (Level 2 Trauma Unit which was just built last April). Sweet perks, best pay of the bunch. Three 12 hour shifts a week. Down side: it's in Waco. and I'd have waaaaay more responsibility (aka stress).

So what do ya think, 1 or 3?

Happiness is...

1. Old churches with red doors, usually with beautiful stain glass windows. When I lived up east, I'd sometimes wander around the city and walk into a cathedral and just sit there enjoying the ambiance while watching the folks light candles. Two of my best memories were in churches: 1) joining in evensong with Kristi and the boy's choir in London and 2) waltzing into St. Patrick's with the brothers in NY and by fortunate circumstance the choir was rehearsing for their Christmas program. Couldn't ask for more.

2. When my mother is happy

3. When my dad tells a super dumb joke, and I look at him with this "Really?! Did you really just say that?" face and he looks back with that impish grin

4. Learning to appreciate exercise: I have yet to find something more empowering than cycling. Yoga is a close second (Yeah, I never thought I'd be that girl either, but it turns out a gazillion people were right. Exercise does a body good).

5. finishing a project

6. When I can actually make that connection with a patient, when I can explain something and see that it actually makes sense to them, and especially when they make a turn for the better.

7. Very old trees

8. CAUTION, cheese is about to fly: Friends. Especially the ones that know me inside and out, know my quirks, my challenges, my faults, my unhappy days. And still love me.

9. Watching Kristi play Wii fit... this girl is the epitome of calm and collective except for when she tries to conquer the obstacle course. So funny!

10. Something that makes me have a huge belly laugh

I'm tagged!

A friend of mine, Annalise, tagged me in one of those taggy things. Man, that line is just seeping with intelligence. Anyhow, I can't remember the last time I was excited to do one of these (I truly think never), but it must be the season! So I'm gonna have to think about it. Topic: 10 things that make me happy.

I'm officially certifiable

You thought I was gonna say crazy, didn't you? Don't deny it. I know I wouldn't.

I took my national boards to become a Physician Assistant, and good news! I passed with above average flying colors! Woot woot! I love being above average. It's just enough to feel like you've got a little more than your neighbour, but a little less than the Pope.

Point is, I passed.