nicknames

My friend Aubrey just finished her dissertation in anthropology and it's official, she's now Doctor Baadsgaard. How cool to be completely done with school. While she's wrapping up a few things she's been staying at my place for the past week. So I've been spending most of my days with her either exercising, shopping, exercising, chatting, exercising, or eating (yeah, she's a HUGE gym buff). Needless to say, she's a tough cookie packed in 100 lbs of muscle and bone. She's helping me to be equally as tough, and to start things off she's given me the nickname of "Jack The Smack." no joke. With that, I think I can quit school and try out for a spot on WWF.

On Saturday, we went to get groceries at Trader Joe's and the check-out guy had a name tag with "X-Box" on it. She questions him if that's his real name. He responds with a story of how he and his brother in college stayed up for countless hours playing Halo 2, thus the birth of the nickname. I mention my new one, and I think to get the full picture we need some quotes.

Me, joking with X-Box: Yeah, she gave me the nickname Jack the Smack.

X-Box completely stops scanning the groceries and stares at me like I just erased his high scores. He then turns his shock to tiny Aubrey and I can see him debating in his head whether to call protective services on me or just give her the keys to his getaway car out back.

Me, with a terrified look: Wait! I don't hit people! She gave me that name to toughen me up... If you knew me, you'd know big of a pansy I am... (as I trail off)... really, uh, pansy's my middle name....

Finally, after multiple confirmations from Aubrey that indeed I am a chicken, he starts to warm up to me again. But that look he gave was priceless.