K, so my poem writing skills are no good. But I thought no harm in trying.
The reason why I wrote it was actually because of a patient of mine that made a few crucial mistakes and wound up dealing with HUGE consequences. And it's kind of disheartening to see these young girls where puberty hit so early while their emotional capacity lags behind in childhood. And these girls, usually pressured by hormone filled guys, experiment with adult subjects far sooner than they should. And that leads to worse decisions that leave lasting emotional scars. It really does. Seeing perimenopausal women still become tearful about having an abortion as a teen is literally heart wrenching. To carry that weight for decades... I can't imagine.
hi folks. k, so I'm trying my hand at writing a poem, and I'd like some feedback. a fwe of the lines need some work. I'd love ideas if you'd like to share
(title to be continued...)
I thought I loved you, but I was not sure; though you seemed so through and through. For those cliché lines poured from your lips with such strength and confidence that sip by sip I drank, and my doubts dissipated as you lured me cunningly in with each intoxicating word.
Jiggers of promises, like liquid courage, filled me with drunken anticipation. Yet, oaths spilled from your soul seeming so honest and true, in the light of sobriety showed the subtle proof.
The somber realization ensuing the altered sense Left fixed scars sustained while under the influence.
I've been thinking about this for a bit. Let's see, how to start.
I lead a different kind of life. A veeery interesting type of life. I realized that my last post might have nauseated a few of you, perhaps a little too late. Deepest apologies. But for me, faux pas topics are becoming old hat. And perhaps it's just as well, because I can remember a time were I was so uncomfortable by image issues, the topic of sex, even bowel habits that I'd blush at the mere mention of it. It wasn't so long ago that I stuttered out the words "Ppp-p-p-l-ease describe your f-f-f-feces" and now, without batting an eye, "let's talk about your poop."
A world of difference. PA school really breaks you of that... I can't think of another profession were you see your classmates in their birthday suit on a weekly basis for months on end, or worse, have them see the stretch marks, the spider veins, all the flaws that make the physical you. And guess who was the one who drew the short end of the stick and had to be the patient for breast examination week. And here I should give a mini shout out to Joe, my teacher. Huge thanks for the confidence boost.
side note, shells, I'm working in Killeen for a large company in central Texas called Scott and White, and I'm in family practice right now. I'm really starting to love it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that at I know I definitely teeter with the "what's appropriate" topic line. As much as my mom wanted me to be, I'm not Jackie O. But I am someone that if you have a question, no matter how gauche you think it is, I've got no problem helping you find all the facts you need to make an informed decision.
There are some things in my profession that is, how shall we say, unsavory. Digital Rectal Exams… I must raise a choice finger to the inventor of that. Examining a “rash” to find out it’s scabies… fun for the whole family! Well, one of the least favorite tests I encounter is The Whiff Test. Now you’ve got to assume that any test with the word “whiff” and talking about a bodily function is gonna activate the up-chuck reflex, much like when physicians of yore actually tasted urine for glucose. And I can’t emphasize how true this is.
Obviously an attack on a favored sense of mine, the whiff test forces the examiner to sniff a glass slide prepared with a woman’s discharge from her, as one of my patients called it a “cookie,” sprinkled with potassium hydroxide. Performing the baptism is said to cause a fishy odor to develop if the woman is indeed cursed with this disease. Somewhat less appealing than the marvel of the loaves and fishes, this modern day miracle points the way for the power to heal. At least 70% of the time.
So, dear inventor, my deepest gratitude for the daily assault on my olfactory nerve.
Yes, yes, i know I didn't mention the number four offer in the last post, but that's becuase I didn't want to jinx the Killeen interview by saying I already had it. So let's see what I've won:
A family practice clinic in a large military town outside Fort Hood with an 8a-530p job M-F, no call. No call means no working Sundays, no ringing in the middle of the night, no exiting a movie to adjust a patient's med. I've got a good feeling about this one.
So Mom and I are on a little trip down in Killeen for a few days while I look for housing. Yesterday we were tapped out with touring cookie cutter home after home so we decided to take a little jaunt to Austin. Well, as it happens I forgot to bring my thyroid medicine down with me, so by day four I was feeling a little tired. So much so, that by the time we finished the walking tour of the capital I had to take a little rest on one of the benches outside. And by that time Mom's leg was hurting bad that she needed a respite herself. As we're sitting, Mom turns to me and says:
"Man, getting rid of your thyroid was the worst thing you could do. You should have just left it."
I reply, "Well, if I'd of left it, ultimately my eyes would have started popping out of my head."
"What?! You're joking."
"Nope," I respond, "It's called exophthalmos. And can't you just picture me having to tell my patients good or bad news with HUGE buggy eyes." I continue, " So envision this, you're the patient and I waltz in looking like Rodney Dangerfield, you're gonna think I'm gonna tell you you've got two days to live when you've really got heartburn. And what if you actually have two days to live?! Do you really want to get that kind of news from a deer in the headlights provider. Nope. No good."
We laughed and laughed on that bench as we appreciated the silver lining.
Update on the job search. I just finished three interviews this past week, and I've got one more interview in Killeen tomorrow (well, today actually). And I've got three job offers so far.
Door 1: Family practice in Fort Worth. Decent pay, great supervising physician, good benefits. I'd work four 10 hour days M-Th and have the rest off (aside from call once every couple of weeks). Not so great: still using paper charts and old school x-rays, but plans are in the works for an EMR next year.
Door 2: Internal Med in Denton. Crap office, but will be upgrading by September. Very nice attending, but a horrible structure in the office. I'm knocking this one off the list.
Door 3: Dream job working in an emergency room (Level 2 Trauma Unit which was just built last April). Sweet perks, best pay of the bunch. Three 12 hour shifts a week. Down side: it's in Waco. and I'd have waaaaay more responsibility (aka stress).
1. Old churches with red doors, usually with beautiful stain glass windows. When I lived up east, I'd sometimes wander around the city and walk into a cathedral and just sit there enjoying the ambiance while watching the folks light candles. Two of my best memories were in churches: 1) joining in evensong with Kristi and the boy's choir in London and 2) waltzing into St. Patrick's with the brothers in NY and by fortunate circumstance the choir was rehearsing for their Christmas program. Couldn't ask for more.
2. When my mother is happy
3. When my dad tells a super dumb joke, and I look at him with this "Really?! Did you really just say that?" face and he looks back with that impish grin
4. Learning to appreciate exercise: I have yet to find something more empowering than cycling. Yoga is a close second (Yeah, I never thought I'd be that girl either, but it turns out a gazillion people were right. Exercise does a body good).
5. finishing a project
6. When I can actually make that connection with a patient, when I can explain something and see that it actually makes sense to them, and especially when they make a turn for the better.
7. Very old trees
8. CAUTION, cheese is about to fly: Friends. Especially the ones that know me inside and out, know my quirks, my challenges, my faults, my unhappy days. And still love me.
9. Watching Kristi play Wii fit... this girl is the epitome of calm and collective except for when she tries to conquer the obstacle course. So funny!
10. Something that makes me have a huge belly laugh