growing pains

Today was the day I got my hands dirty during a natural delivery and delivered my first baby. As luck would have it, my first was with a baby who had Meconium stain and nuchal cord x 1. In other words, a very complicated delivery, so much so that the baby was in respiratory arrest and we had to start bagging him. NOT GOOD. The mom kept staring at me and the doctor asking why her baby wasn't crying. I literally wanted to vomit. Thank the lord that my preceptor (the doctor) is completely amazing and knows how to keep her cool in a very tense situation. She guided my hands to where they needed to go when I started to freeze up and helped me stay outwardly calm and collected when all I wanted to do was jump out of my skin. I felt so bad after the delivery thinking I had done something wrong (which I didn't).... she let me know that sometimes deliveries are just complicated, and it happened that my first case was that way. The baby is now fine, and mother is fine, and I'm fine. I guess this is what comes with growing up.