a bit about me

I'm not sure where to start this since this is something I usually don't talk about much, but here goes. Today I got the results of another thyroid test and it's good news. I'm normal!

I'm sure most of you don't know that a few years back I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism caused by a toxic multinodular goiter. All that means is that a few lumps in my neck decided to go rogue and released more hormone than normal. The first time I noticed something was wrong was early into my college career, but I simply brushed it aside blaming my changes on the stress of school. I'm a pretty stubborn girl, so I ignored the signs and symptoms for a very, very long time until my levels were six times higher than the amount they should be. So I had dealt with hot flashes, the hand tremors, the overwhelming anxiety, the utter exhaustion, the increase in appetite and weight changes for over a year before my mom finally made me go to the doctor. By this time the heart palpitations were starting to kick in and I'd had enough of feeling so awkward in social situations that I finally went. Fun fact: for such a small organ, the thyroid affects the majority of cells in the body. A few tests later showed the nodules, and that's when I went through a simple treatment where they ablated my thyroid. It wasn't a demanding treatment at all... I just had to swallow a blue pill and stay away from people for a few days while the radioactive iodine flushed through my system. FYI: Your pee does NOT glow in the dark if you've been exposed to radiation. I checked. Well, the treatment of what I had causes the exact opposite problem, hypothyroidism, but it is easily managed with hormone replacement meds. That was the summer of 2006.

My story brings me to a month ago. I started to notice the same change that by now I am very familiar with. I noticed the anxiety return, the tremors come back, the tiredness sink in, the blunted thought process, and the most embarrassing bright red splotchy rash run across my chest, neck, and face. Basically not myself. So I stopped taking the meds, made the appointment with the doc and as I said earlier the results came back normal. AND it looks like my thyroid function is working well enough on its own that I don't have to take anything for it!

Now you're probably thinking, Jackie, that's great! And I couldn't agree with you more. I've never been happier to be wrong. So it looks like there can't be bad news then? And it's true, there can't be much of something bad if the results are so good. The thing that's bothering me is that I'm realizing that the struggles with school, the struggles with church, the struggles with myself, they are all taking a noticeable toll.

So to try and alleviate some of that, I've been getting my house in order, so to speak. I've been trying to take more care of my physical self (and I have some amazing friends here that are helping me stick to that). After a long drought, I now go to church and I'm working on things that I know I need to (a whole other story). And I'm trying to not let the small things get me down so much. Now, this is a new thing for me, being so honest and open and now feeling slightly vulnerable, but I felt like I needed to have sharing time. Not sure why just yet, but hopefully you get something from this.

side note: this week I completed the most dreaded oral exams, where I sat down with one of the faculty members and was grilled for an hour about stuff I've been learning the past year. For one of my diseases I had to explain in detail hypothyroidism. At the end of it I just wanted to yell out, NAILED IT, SUCKA! Apparently, that's frowned down upon, so I settled with a hand shake and a grin.