Day 4a

So I'm gonna keep up with writing the 5, but I'm not gonna feel guilty if I miss one EXCEPT the number that I'm committing to do on a consistent basis.  And the winner is #1!  I agree for the next 21 days that I will consistently find 3 things/people/places/etc. I'm grateful for over the last 24 hours, I'll be specific and not repeat myself.


1. I'm grateful for:
a.  the girls I babysat today being so well behaved, Karina helped out hugely!
b. making ants on a log with the girls, and I almost convinced one of them to eat celery.  so close :)
c. having the house stocked with food because it was entirely too cold to go outside for grocery shopping

2.  I loved watching my Uncle Enos's and Aunt Deanne's foster children, Misses Karina, Liliana, and Yareli today.  There was a moment when we were watching trailers on my little computer for Rise of the Guardians.  The plot of the movie is based on these Guardians (Sandman, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, Jack Frost) whose role is to protect the children of the world, and as long as the children believe in them, they will guard them with their lives.  It hit home as I sat there with these wonderful girls nestled next to me that that is who we are.  My Aunt and Uncle, my family, myself.  We are the guardians of these innocent children. The punch line at the end was "Everyone needs a Guardian," and I couldn't help but selfishly think, "Well who's mine?" And it was answered as quickly as it was asked, "Your ancestors watch over you, my Jackie."  And they do.  I know they do.

3.  Exercise: Just Dance with the girls

4. Meditation: missed it

5. Act of Kindness: tended the three little girls

Rules of the Game

"Common sense is not common action... information alone does not cause transformation"  -Shawn Anchor


I found a little longer talk by Shawn Anchor when he spoke at the MS Foundation meeting.  He was more specific in his instructions, including when you start this change, choose only ONE of the five and consistently do it daily for 21 days

1. Gratitude: write or voice 3 new things you’re grateful for over the past 24 hours, rules: never repeat them and you must be specific 

2. Journal about one meaningful experience, every detail that you can remember, that occured over the past 24 hours.  It allows your brain to relive it.  

3. Exercise in the morning before work: it teaches your brain that your behavior matters, it trains your brain to recognize that if your behavior matters in this area of your life, it may matter in other realms of your life. The minimum is exercise of 10 minutes a day cardio, research showed it had a 30 % drop in relapse rate of depression.

4. Meditation: doesn't have to be Christian or Buddhist, but it should be performed  for at least 2 minutes a day.  It trains your brain to only focus on one thing alone, that of your breath.  Watch your breath go in and out for a full 2 minutes.  It undoes the multitasking, and your stress level decreases.

5. Conscious acts of kindness: Complete a 2 minute phone call or email praising or thanking someone in your social support network.  This is the greatest predictor of happiness during a time of challenge/stress.  This is the usually the very first thing that we abandon in those times of stress, but it is the most important to keep intact when those storms come.  

Day 3a

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

1. I'm grateful for:

a. having a brain that can learn incredibly difficult cardiology concepts 

b. having the determination to study these topics

c. having the discipline to review it again and again until I know it by heart ;)

2.  It's interesting, these meditation exercises I'm doing.  Today's exercise was on the centering thought, "My heart knows the answer."  Deepka started with asking the question, "What do I want?  What is my deepest, most heartfelt desire?"  The first two thoughts were, slightly embarrassing to admit, sex and chocolate.  He pointed out that the initial responses originating from my mind and ego may quickly focus on the surface, possibly material, things of life.  He then encouraged me to move from the mind to the heart.  

Deepka: "Perhaps when asked from the heart, you're guided to the place within that seeks to strengthen your connection with nature or longs to find a place of quite and solitude.  If a motorcycle was on your wish list, you may now be connected to the place in your heart that is craving a sense of freedom.  So let's ask the question again, moving just a little closer to discovering what we really want."  Following the instructions, I focused my attention on my breath and placed my hand over my heart.  Letting go, and asking myself again, "What do I want? What is my deepest most heartfelt desire", listening carefully, it was clear and obvious.  

I want to be a mother.  Deeply and wholly. 

I want to hold a baby, my baby on my chest and sing her a lullaby.  I want the diapers, and nap times, and trips to the museum, and teaching him to dance, and the three o'clock meltdowns, and kite flying, and getting her ready for daddy-daughter dates, and picking up the same books & toys for the gazillionth time, and cupcake making at grandpa and grandma's house, and tantrums in the grocery aisle, and seeing him ride around on his father's shoulders, and hugs & kisses, bedtime stories, cuddle time with the whole family. I want the whirlwind of wild and wonderful memories that come with making and being a family.  That is what I really want.  

And so, I re-evaluate my initial responses.  Sex and chocolate.  It's funny to think that the initial desire for intimacy can result in my deeper desire of pregnancy, but I am realizing now that to reach that goal, I have yet to reach the standards and boundaries I've set for myself.  I want to have a normal BMI before I conceive, and though I am close, there are still a few months and a few hundred miles on the treadmill in between here and now.  As crucial as it is at being at a prime point of physical health, I also am in need of a companion that can be my complementary counterpart.  Marriage is not just about love, intimacy, and finding a compatible husband; it is about sacrifice for children. I have worked with countless women, read study after study, heard a plethora of stories of fatherless children raised by husband-less mothers.  Folks, as much as I can appreciate single parent homes, I know it makes a negative impact on the children when both parties are not represented in parents.  I believe rearing children is best done with the influence of a father and a mother in a safe and loving environment.  As much as I want a child, I recognize that it is likely the most selfish act I could choose to have one out of wedlock.

And so I wait. And work at what I know I need to.  And open the patched up heart once again.  And above all, keep the faith.

3.  Exercise:  Stairs

4. Meditation: Deepka Chopra What Do You Really Want? 

5.  Random Act of Kindness: Made banana nut muffins for a friend

Day 2a

1. I'm grateful for:
a. sleep
b. space heaters
c. people who take the initiative to introduce themselves first

2. Such trouble sleeping this morning.  But!  I decided to choose to have a positive attitude and a cheerful attitude the entire day.

3.  Exercise:  stairs, stairs and more stairs

4. Meditation: Deepak Chopra Fearless Me Meditation

5.  Random Act of Kindness: Volunteered at the special needs mutual tonight

Day 1a

“The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.” 
― Ayn Rand


I dunno know, I like the concept of starting anew, of rebirth.  Thus, 1a (day 22).

I'm grateful for:
a. William, the other inpatient PA, teaching me a few ropes of cardiac ablation
b. The conversation with Janis, a woman of another faith, about deity and direction
c. A warm welcome from Dr. R.  During the interview, I was sure he disliked me because of his disengagement and scanty eye contact.  I've decided he must have been uber busy that day, and his preoccupation was because of work rather than anything I did.

2.  I walked out of the office at 501 pm and caught the bus at 503!  I may have been sprinting through the halls, but, boy, when I saw that "11" glowing from the placard of the bus, my heart jumped knowing that I wouldn't have to wait 30 minutes for the next one.

3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels Last Chance Workout

4.  Medication: Deepak Chopra Resilience Meditation, made it through 15 minutes of the 20 minute program before opening my eyes.  Must. get. better.

5.  Helped Alex finish his charts by updating meds and vital signs

Day 21

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. working for a group that has a good sense of humor (the "big" story)
b. The happy bus driver on Route 6 who said "The day is what you make of it"
c. Alex, fellow PA, showing me the ropes of inpatient cardiac EP

2.  Today is day 21 of my positive psychology blog.  Don't you worry, I plan to keep on keepin' on.  BUT! I can say that I'm at a better spot today than merely 3 weeks ago.  And I wonder how I'll do if I keep it up, and actually implement all 5 points on a consistent basis, rather than struggling to fill in one of the blanks at the end of the day.  This job will be good for me.  I need to invest the work into learning it, and the blessed things is that I really want to.  The U of U School of Medicine seems to take care of their employees.  And so I'd like to "pay it forward" so to speak.

3. Exercise:  Jillian Michaels DVD- last chance workout

4. Meditation exercise on the bus ride home

5. Random Act of Kindness:  shared my snack with my colleague

Day 20

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. The Office clip they showed at orientation today where Dwight tested his colleagues on a fire drill by making an actual fire
b. when the sun spills through the windows and warms the skin
c. a good laugh when one the fellas at FHE said that this grandma was "running" to the door.  you could see just the very top of her head, donned in a pink cap, slowly inching through the kitchen to the entry way

2.  So today was new employee orientation, and can I just say I feel thoroughly enlightened from what I've learned.  You may think there's a hint of sarcasm in that sentence, having sat through basically the same power points I've seen time and again at various health care organizations, BUT I totally learned something new today.  Did you know that a miniature pony is considered by the ADA as a certified service animal?  No joke.  It was just perfect.  The presenter asked the question if anyone knew the other animal other than a dog, and then clicked on the next slide to reveal this stout chunky little horse rigged up like a service dog.  I kid you not, I googled that crap, and yes.  Meet Mini Ed.  It has sneakers, folks.  Actual converse kicks.

3.  Exercise: get out of bed, Jackie!

4.  Meditation: prayer

5.  Random Act of Kindness: visited the widows tonight for FHE

Day 19

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

1. I'm grateful for:
a.  so many loved ones come to visit tonight
b. sacrament
c. exceptional conversation

2.  I love people. I realized that tonight, I love to love people.  Make them feel loved, help them to recognize their potential.  Talk with them, laugh with them.  I had an open house tonight, and so many people from all walks of my life came.  From The Madsen family from when I was a beehive in Plano, to friends from BYU and Drexel, to my family (Lorri and Lisa came! LOVED having them), to my dear friends Cyle and Athena and little King from Killeen, to friends from Lehi, and the 2 MSA wards up here.  What a wonderful night!

3. Exercise: can preparing for a party count?

4. Meditation: Prayer day and night

5. Random Act of Kindness: inviting and including all people to come

Day 18

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” 
― Dr. Seuss


1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Rachel helping me do what I needed to do on day one
b. sweet friends that do a drive by porch drop off of treats
c. talking with Cerrah, my dearest cousin whom I see once in a blue moon, at Jordan's baby shower
d. (500) Days of Summer

2.  Pure moment of joy today printmaking at the University of Utah Museum of Fine Arts with Rachel V.  That girl can bring a smile to my face with her funny little quips.  We met incredible folks: Miss Rosie, the 4 year old with her father creating a volcano; Joe and his gal, I think Becky, and their 5 little guys.  Joe's got some major skills with printmaking, brilliant cow.  And Rachel with her boat, and I with my Fibonacci squares meets nature.  Loved every minute of it.  :)

3. Exercise: sleep escaped me this morning.  It was a no go today.

4. Meditation: in museum today

5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped a woman with her groceries

Day 17

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 
― Shel Silverstein


1. I'm grateful for:
a. such a wonderful first day at work
b. Jess, my new a fabulous co-worker showing me the ropes
c. Exquisite photos of nearly extinct tribes

2.  I seriously thought that the first day of work they were gonna pimp me on cardiology info, but such was not the case.  I had a wonderful lunch with my new coworkers, great people.  I really feel like I'll fit in nicely.  I am so blessed in life :)

3. Exercise: over 1.5 mile run

4. Meditation: before work

5. Random Act of Kindness: a little love note to a friend

Day 16

"...Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul."

-Excerpt from The Soul's Captain

1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  the incredible Rachel inviting me to the Special Needs Mutual
b. having the corner sealing room all to myself in the temple to pray
c. having a perfectly functioning body to be able to walk to the temple

2. Today Rachel V. invited me to join her while she fulfilled her calling as a leader for the specials needs group of the region.  The folks in charge of this thing are absolutely brilliant!  In the summer these girls couldn't go to girl's camp because of poor turn out, so instead the volunteers organized a night of "camping" indoors.  They had a pseudo-fire pit with red, yellow and orange streamers with white Christmas lights and a fan blowing underneath, all bordered by real firewood to make it look like a real fire.  They had a tipi, and two camping tents set up with lanterns and sleeping bags on the floor.  They had a craft of painting birhouses, then sing-a-long with camp songs, followed by a sister giving a lesson on individual worth.  It ended with somore like treats and a wonderful feeling in the room.  It was amazing night!

3. Exercise: 1.5 mile walk to the Salt Lake Temple

4. Meditation: Endowment session at temple

5. Random Act of Kindness: I always hate walking by a homeless person when I have nothing to give, since I set a boundary for myself that all monetary donations I would give to help them would be through a charity.  Nonetheless, I still feel like I can do more.  There are always a few standing right outside Temple Square, and this time I was prepared!  I gave her my snack that I packed, an apple and a cheese stick.

Day 15

"I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee..." -God

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. Marcie always thinking of others.  She organized a dinner to celebrate my first day on Friday
b. Lunch with my cousin Becky.  Seriously excellent conversation
c. Dancing with a strong enough fella to pick me up and dip me comfortably

2.  I love my sister-in-law, Lisa.  She let me vent on the phone today for a solid 15 minutes while the babies were jabbering away in the background.  And she gives validation when it's needed, and totally calls me on my crap when it's time for that as well.

3. Exercise: Country swing dancing at the Westerner

4. Meditation:  President Monson's general conference address

5. Random Act of Kindness:  Saw an older fella in the corner and could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I went over, asked him to dance, and spent the next few songs teaching him the basics of two step.  He was just beaming by the end of it.  Made me happy to help someone else feel a bit of joy.

Day 14

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”  -Samuel Beckett

1.  I'm grateful for: 
a. Mary sharing her talk about failure and perfectionism
b. Ann Lewis volunteering her time and energy to teach me family history
c. hugs that can be given via people I love

2.  Read my friend Mary's article about failure and perfectionism.  One quote I loved from the article: "True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment. Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.”  President Utchdorf

3. Exercise: ran 3 miles

4. Meditation: Prayer while driving from from Orem to SLC

5. Random Act of Kindness: helped a lady and her kids find toothpicks in the store

Day 13

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."   -Rabindranath Tagore


1. I'm grateful for:
   a. my friends in the armed forces that keep us protected.  This is the land of the free because of these brave
   b. fishing with Justin, new friend from the ward
   c. Rachel calling to get me out of the house and to the Veteran's Day Concert

2.  One of my dear friends up here, who is currently serving in the National Guard, shared a hilarious story tonight about while she was deployed.  She was staying with a group of gals in the Air Force, and safety was a top priority for these women.  Well, the gals gave my friend a rape whistle in case anyone tried to attack her.  Now mind you, my friend carried a LOADED weapon with her at all times during deployment.  I'm gonna take a wild guess, but the first she she'd likely reach for if she was getting attacked may not be that whistle.

3. Exercise: stairs and hills

4. Meditation: a nap, can that count?

5. Random Act of Kindness: brought the trash cans up from the curb for my neighbor

Day 12

1. I'm grateful for:
    a. Sunday naps
    b. learning about bee keeping from Richard
    c. make-up remover towelettes

2.  Just spent the evening with Brother and Sister Bevan and a few folks from the MSA ward.  It was a feast, an early Thanksgiving filled with delectable morsels of deliciousness.  We played a super fun game and had great conversation with Annette, Richard, Richard, Mike, Katie, Sumer, Denise, Becky, and of course the Bevans.  What good people!

3. Exercise: walked 3 miles, to and from the MoTab Veteran's Concert

4.  Meditation: Tai chi basics

5. Random Act of Kindness:  love note on friend's facebook

Day 11

1. I'm grateful for
    a.  Aunt Beth, Uncle Tom, Jeff and Becky coming to visit my new place and for treating me to Market Street Grill for lunch.  Delicious food and excellent conversation.
    b.  being able to pray at any time of the day or night
    c.  long hot showers

2.  So during lunch today I was talking to Beth and Tom about how they first met and all those relationship questions, and I had a brief thought, "You know what, Jackie, it'll all work out."  I've honestly struggled daily missing Jakob (one of my girlfriends described it best that in a break-up you don't just lose a boyfriend, but also your best friend), but I keep reminding myself "have a bit of faith that it'll work out."  The Lord has helped with my move, with finding a job, and a perfect place to stay.  He'll help me with my future spouse.  Just like a race, I need to put in the work now to be the right person, because I know that the right person for me is devoting the time and effort to become that best self that he can be.

3. Exercise: Hike with Charity and Deborah

4. Meditation: Today I prayed more than I have in a long while

5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped with lost and found keys

Day 10

1.  I'm grateful for:

    a.  Rachel and Marcie inviting me to their ward auction tonight

    b.  Athena bringing Kingston over and having a wonderful chat 

    c.  Charity showing me around the hospital

2. So I have a dear friend that is going through some of the same things I've recently experienced.  I chatted with him a few times today, and it was comforting to know that I could provide some guidance and love to help him take the next steps into the dark.  I think that's a huge reason why we go through what we go through.  What better way to be a source of comfort for someone than to experience it first hand.  

3. Exercise:  I am realizing a trend.  When I wake up late, the exercise suffers!

4.  Meditation: Did you know prayer is considered  a form of meditation.  I do that a gazillion times a day!   It's like He's on speed dial in my heart.  

5. Random Act of Kindness: Sent a little love to a friend via another friend

Day 9

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. 

    Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”   - Gordon B. Hinckley

1.  I'm grateful for:
   a.  Charity helping me move a box spring to brother's place.
   b.  Aunt Lorri forgiving me for completely spacing our sewing date
   c.  My new friend Jared letting Charity and I borrow his truck for said move

2.  It's been mixed emotions today.  A battle between doubt and faith, and if I'm honest, I'm struggling a bit with the hopes of my heart and the reality that is today.  Having said that, there were many moments today where I had happiness.  One goes as follows: I was baking cookies and I was short an egg.  What better time to meet the neighbors... I stroll over two doors down where it looks like someone might be home and met two wonderful women, Ana and Heather, and their two dogs Lexi and Niki.  Lovely people, welcoming, kind, Ana is a retired ICU nurse and plays the piano and invited me over for duets.  Heather is hilarious, and shared a story of how one time while visiting Dallas she stayed in a hotel in a blue zone, where she couldn't buy a drink; she had to travel all the way to the red zone to find that elusive beer.  Made me laugh.  I'm excited to learn more of the friends on the block.

3. Exercise: a walk

4. Meditation: Ordinances in the Salt Lake Temple

5. Random Act of Kindness:  While exiting the temple, there was a man with anti-Mormon literature and was rather loud at voicing his opinion.  Another man called back to him somewhat mockingly, which only exacerbated the situation.  I chose to say, with all the love and kindness I know how, a simple "Have a good night," with a deep kind of smile that comes from the heart.  I could see it softened him in his eyes, even if it was for just a brief moment, and I realized that he was a man that just needed to be loved.

Day 8

"True happiness involves the pursuit of worthy goals.  Without dreams, without risks, only a trivial semblance of living can be achieved".  Dan Buettner

1.  I'm grateful for:
     a.  the pure entertainment that can be found at community council meetings
     b.  finally jumping through all the hoops to get into the MSA ward
     c.  tying up loose ends from Texas

2.  So I went to a city council meeting tonight for the Greater Avenues area.  Something about civic duty mixed with curiosity prompted me to walk through those doors, and I came home feeling like I hit a gold mine of stories.  Unique characters with seriously intriguing personalities will be the highlight of future posts.  Tonight one borderline elderly woman spent a solid 5-10 minutes discussing a "traffic jam" in our little residential area at "rush hour" due to a maintenance truck taking up a lane.  She said she couldn't locate the workers, for all she knew they were "out to lunch" (said in a very stern, concerned voice with furrowed brow and all).  This perturbed her enough to call the city and file a formal complaint.  Flash backs of rush hour Dallas, or Philly or, oh gosh, miserable LA driving came to my mind.  But!  I wholeheartedly admit that it is because of these kinds of people that the community keeps functioning at a high standard.  So, thank you, my new friend, for spending your retirement years on hold listening to seriously crappy music.

3.  Exercise: house cleaning and cooking of meals for the next two weeks

4.  Meditation: UCLA has a Mindful Awareness Research Center with free guided meditations.  Sweet!  I started with the first breathing meditation.

5.  Random Act of Kindness: A little hello to a friend from the Dallas area

Day 7

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls." Mother Theresa


1.I'm grateful for:
   a.  gas being below $3 at Sams!
   b. getting my food storage squared away
   c. my mom giving me tips on saving

2. I went dancing at the Murray Arts Center entirely solo last night, and it turned out to be so much fun!  There was an older gentleman there, Tom, that came without a partner as well, and we coupled up nicely.  Good lead, quite handsome even for having a few years on him.  I forgot how much I love to west coast swing.  There's something so smooth and sexy about it, without it crossing the line of impropriety.

3. Exercise: Dancing the night away :)

4. Meditation: video during day, learned about controlling the internal thoughts even with external stress

5. Random Act of Service: helping out a few folks on the dance floor