I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Tom making dinner tonight and having a mini game night
b. Courtney, the gal I sat by today during sacrament meeting, and how we chatted it up about chemistry
c. making my lunch for tomorrow, healthy style.
2. It was a moving talk today during sacrament meeting, a gentleman with CP spoke today about hope, about mistakes. He quoted Ether 12:27 :
" 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them theiraweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if" they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.
He spoke of how his CP was a gift, in that it was the crinkled wrapping paper on the outside, of a present, but once unwrapped, the gift inside. A man with incredible perspective.
3. Exercise: miss
4. Meditation: miss (aside from prayer each day)
5. Random Act of Kindness: I could see a friend needed a bit of a talk, and so I sat by him an listened
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Day 4a
So I'm gonna keep up with writing the 5, but I'm not gonna feel guilty if I miss one EXCEPT the number that I'm committing to do on a consistent basis. And the winner is #1! I agree for the next 21 days that I will consistently find 3 things/people/places/etc. I'm grateful for over the last 24 hours, I'll be specific and not repeat myself.
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the girls I babysat today being so well behaved, Karina helped out hugely!
b. making ants on a log with the girls, and I almost convinced one of them to eat celery. so close :)
c. having the house stocked with food because it was entirely too cold to go outside for grocery shopping
2. I loved watching my Uncle Enos's and Aunt Deanne's foster children, Misses Karina, Liliana, and Yareli today. There was a moment when we were watching trailers on my little computer for Rise of the Guardians. The plot of the movie is based on these Guardians (Sandman, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, Jack Frost) whose role is to protect the children of the world, and as long as the children believe in them, they will guard them with their lives. It hit home as I sat there with these wonderful girls nestled next to me that that is who we are. My Aunt and Uncle, my family, myself. We are the guardians of these innocent children. The punch line at the end was "Everyone needs a Guardian," and I couldn't help but selfishly think, "Well who's mine?" And it was answered as quickly as it was asked, "Your ancestors watch over you, my Jackie." And they do. I know they do.
3. Exercise: Just Dance with the girls
4. Meditation: missed it
5. Act of Kindness: tended the three little girls
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the girls I babysat today being so well behaved, Karina helped out hugely!
b. making ants on a log with the girls, and I almost convinced one of them to eat celery. so close :)
c. having the house stocked with food because it was entirely too cold to go outside for grocery shopping
2. I loved watching my Uncle Enos's and Aunt Deanne's foster children, Misses Karina, Liliana, and Yareli today. There was a moment when we were watching trailers on my little computer for Rise of the Guardians. The plot of the movie is based on these Guardians (Sandman, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, Jack Frost) whose role is to protect the children of the world, and as long as the children believe in them, they will guard them with their lives. It hit home as I sat there with these wonderful girls nestled next to me that that is who we are. My Aunt and Uncle, my family, myself. We are the guardians of these innocent children. The punch line at the end was "Everyone needs a Guardian," and I couldn't help but selfishly think, "Well who's mine?" And it was answered as quickly as it was asked, "Your ancestors watch over you, my Jackie." And they do. I know they do.
3. Exercise: Just Dance with the girls
4. Meditation: missed it
5. Act of Kindness: tended the three little girls
Rules of the Game
"Common sense is not common action... information alone does not cause transformation" -Shawn Anchor
I found a little longer talk by Shawn Anchor when he spoke at the MS Foundation meeting. He was more specific in his instructions, including when you start this change, choose only ONE of the five and consistently do it daily for 21 days
1. Gratitude: write or voice 3 new things you’re grateful for over the past 24 hours, rules: never repeat them and you must be specific
2. Journal about one meaningful experience, every detail that you can remember, that occured over the past 24 hours. It allows your brain to relive it.
3. Exercise in the morning before work: it teaches your brain that your behavior matters, it trains your brain to recognize that if your behavior matters in this area of your life, it may matter in other realms of your life. The minimum is exercise of 10 minutes a day cardio, research showed it had a 30 % drop in relapse rate of depression.
4. Meditation: doesn't have to be Christian or Buddhist, but it should be performed for at least 2 minutes a day. It trains your brain to only focus on one thing alone, that of your breath. Watch your breath go in and out for a full 2 minutes. It undoes the multitasking, and your stress level decreases.
5. Conscious acts of kindness: Complete a 2 minute phone call or email praising or thanking someone in your social support network. This is the greatest predictor of happiness during a time of challenge/stress. This is the usually the very first thing that we abandon in those times of stress, but it is the most important to keep intact when those storms come.
I found a little longer talk by Shawn Anchor when he spoke at the MS Foundation meeting. He was more specific in his instructions, including when you start this change, choose only ONE of the five and consistently do it daily for 21 days
1. Gratitude: write or voice 3 new things you’re grateful for over the past 24 hours, rules: never repeat them and you must be specific
2. Journal about one meaningful experience, every detail that you can remember, that occured over the past 24 hours. It allows your brain to relive it.
3. Exercise in the morning before work: it teaches your brain that your behavior matters, it trains your brain to recognize that if your behavior matters in this area of your life, it may matter in other realms of your life. The minimum is exercise of 10 minutes a day cardio, research showed it had a 30 % drop in relapse rate of depression.
4. Meditation: doesn't have to be Christian or Buddhist, but it should be performed for at least 2 minutes a day. It trains your brain to only focus on one thing alone, that of your breath. Watch your breath go in and out for a full 2 minutes. It undoes the multitasking, and your stress level decreases.
5. Conscious acts of kindness: Complete a 2 minute phone call or email praising or thanking someone in your social support network. This is the greatest predictor of happiness during a time of challenge/stress. This is the usually the very first thing that we abandon in those times of stress, but it is the most important to keep intact when those storms come.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Day 3a
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
a. having a brain that can learn incredibly difficult cardiology concepts
b. having the determination to study these topics
c. having the discipline to review it again and again until I know it by heart ;)
2. It's interesting, these meditation exercises I'm doing. Today's exercise was on the centering thought, "My heart knows the answer." Deepka started with asking the question, "What do I want? What is my deepest, most heartfelt desire?" The first two thoughts were, slightly embarrassing to admit, sex and chocolate. He pointed out that the initial responses originating from my mind and ego may quickly focus on the surface, possibly material, things of life. He then encouraged me to move from the mind to the heart.
Deepka: "Perhaps when asked from the heart, you're guided to the place within that seeks to strengthen your connection with nature or longs to find a place of quite and solitude. If a motorcycle was on your wish list, you may now be connected to the place in your heart that is craving a sense of freedom. So let's ask the question again, moving just a little closer to discovering what we really want." Following the instructions, I focused my attention on my breath and placed my hand over my heart. Letting go, and asking myself again, "What do I want? What is my deepest most heartfelt desire", listening carefully, it was clear and obvious.
I want to be a mother. Deeply and wholly.
I want to hold a baby, my baby on my chest and sing her a lullaby. I want the diapers, and nap times, and trips to the museum, and teaching him to dance, and the three o'clock meltdowns, and kite flying, and getting her ready for daddy-daughter dates, and picking up the same books & toys for the gazillionth time, and cupcake making at grandpa and grandma's house, and tantrums in the grocery aisle, and seeing him ride around on his father's shoulders, and hugs & kisses, bedtime stories, cuddle time with the whole family. I want the whirlwind of wild and wonderful memories that come with making and being a family. That is what I really want.
And so, I re-evaluate my initial responses. Sex and chocolate. It's funny to think that the initial desire for intimacy can result in my deeper desire of pregnancy, but I am realizing now that to reach that goal, I have yet to reach the standards and boundaries I've set for myself. I want to have a normal BMI before I conceive, and though I am close, there are still a few months and a few hundred miles on the treadmill in between here and now. As crucial as it is at being at a prime point of physical health, I also am in need of a companion that can be my complementary counterpart. Marriage is not just about love, intimacy, and finding a compatible husband; it is about sacrifice for children. I have worked with countless women, read study after study, heard a plethora of stories of fatherless children raised by husband-less mothers. Folks, as much as I can appreciate single parent homes, I know it makes a negative impact on the children when both parties are not represented in parents. I believe rearing children is best done with the influence of a father and a mother in a safe and loving environment. As much as I want a child, I recognize that it is likely the most selfish act I could choose to have one out of wedlock.
And so I wait. And work at what I know I need to. And open the patched up heart once again. And above all, keep the faith.
3. Exercise: Stairs
4. Meditation: Deepka Chopra What Do You Really Want?
5. Random Act of Kindness: Made banana nut muffins for a friend
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Day 2a
1. I'm grateful for:
a. sleep
b. space heaters
c. people who take the initiative to introduce themselves first
2. Such trouble sleeping this morning. But! I decided to choose to have a positive attitude and a cheerful attitude the entire day.
3. Exercise: stairs, stairs and more stairs
4. Meditation: Deepak Chopra Fearless Me Meditation
5. Random Act of Kindness: Volunteered at the special needs mutual tonight
a. sleep
b. space heaters
c. people who take the initiative to introduce themselves first
2. Such trouble sleeping this morning. But! I decided to choose to have a positive attitude and a cheerful attitude the entire day.
3. Exercise: stairs, stairs and more stairs
4. Meditation: Deepak Chopra Fearless Me Meditation
5. Random Act of Kindness: Volunteered at the special needs mutual tonight
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Day 1a
“The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.”
― Ayn Rand
I dunno know, I like the concept of starting anew, of rebirth. Thus, 1a (day 22).
I'm grateful for:
a. William, the other inpatient PA, teaching me a few ropes of cardiac ablation
b. The conversation with Janis, a woman of another faith, about deity and direction
c. A warm welcome from Dr. R. During the interview, I was sure he disliked me because of his disengagement and scanty eye contact. I've decided he must have been uber busy that day, and his preoccupation was because of work rather than anything I did.
2. I walked out of the office at 501 pm and caught the bus at 503! I may have been sprinting through the halls, but, boy, when I saw that "11" glowing from the placard of the bus, my heart jumped knowing that I wouldn't have to wait 30 minutes for the next one.
3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels Last Chance Workout
4. Medication: Deepak Chopra Resilience Meditation, made it through 15 minutes of the 20 minute program before opening my eyes. Must. get. better.
5. Helped Alex finish his charts by updating meds and vital signs
― Ayn Rand
I dunno know, I like the concept of starting anew, of rebirth. Thus, 1a (day 22).
I'm grateful for:
a. William, the other inpatient PA, teaching me a few ropes of cardiac ablation
b. The conversation with Janis, a woman of another faith, about deity and direction
c. A warm welcome from Dr. R. During the interview, I was sure he disliked me because of his disengagement and scanty eye contact. I've decided he must have been uber busy that day, and his preoccupation was because of work rather than anything I did.
2. I walked out of the office at 501 pm and caught the bus at 503! I may have been sprinting through the halls, but, boy, when I saw that "11" glowing from the placard of the bus, my heart jumped knowing that I wouldn't have to wait 30 minutes for the next one.
3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels Last Chance Workout
4. Medication: Deepak Chopra Resilience Meditation, made it through 15 minutes of the 20 minute program before opening my eyes. Must. get. better.
5. Helped Alex finish his charts by updating meds and vital signs
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Day 21
1. I'm grateful for:
a. working for a group that has a good sense of humor (the "big" story)
b. The happy bus driver on Route 6 who said "The day is what you make of it"
c. Alex, fellow PA, showing me the ropes of inpatient cardiac EP
2. Today is day 21 of my positive psychology blog. Don't you worry, I plan to keep on keepin' on. BUT! I can say that I'm at a better spot today than merely 3 weeks ago. And I wonder how I'll do if I keep it up, and actually implement all 5 points on a consistent basis, rather than struggling to fill in one of the blanks at the end of the day. This job will be good for me. I need to invest the work into learning it, and the blessed things is that I really want to. The U of U School of Medicine seems to take care of their employees. And so I'd like to "pay it forward" so to speak.
3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels DVD- last chance workout
4. Meditation exercise on the bus ride home
5. Random Act of Kindness: shared my snack with my colleague
a. working for a group that has a good sense of humor (the "big" story)
b. The happy bus driver on Route 6 who said "The day is what you make of it"
c. Alex, fellow PA, showing me the ropes of inpatient cardiac EP
2. Today is day 21 of my positive psychology blog. Don't you worry, I plan to keep on keepin' on. BUT! I can say that I'm at a better spot today than merely 3 weeks ago. And I wonder how I'll do if I keep it up, and actually implement all 5 points on a consistent basis, rather than struggling to fill in one of the blanks at the end of the day. This job will be good for me. I need to invest the work into learning it, and the blessed things is that I really want to. The U of U School of Medicine seems to take care of their employees. And so I'd like to "pay it forward" so to speak.
3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels DVD- last chance workout
4. Meditation exercise on the bus ride home
5. Random Act of Kindness: shared my snack with my colleague
Monday, November 18, 2013
Day 20
1. I'm grateful for:
a. The Office clip they showed at orientation today where Dwight tested his colleagues on a fire drill by making an actual fire
b. when the sun spills through the windows and warms the skin
c. a good laugh when one the fellas at FHE said that this grandma was "running" to the door. you could see just the very top of her head, donned in a pink cap, slowly inching through the kitchen to the entry way
2. So today was new employee orientation, and can I just say I feel thoroughly enlightened from what I've learned. You may think there's a hint of sarcasm in that sentence, having sat through basically the same power points I've seen time and again at various health care organizations, BUT I totally learned something new today. Did you know that a miniature pony is considered by the ADA as a certified service animal? No joke. It was just perfect. The presenter asked the question if anyone knew the other animal other than a dog, and then clicked on the next slide to reveal this stout chunky little horse rigged up like a service dog. I kid you not, I googled that crap, and yes. Meet Mini Ed. It has sneakers, folks. Actual converse kicks.
3. Exercise: get out of bed, Jackie!
4. Meditation: prayer
5. Random Act of Kindness: visited the widows tonight for FHE
a. The Office clip they showed at orientation today where Dwight tested his colleagues on a fire drill by making an actual fire
b. when the sun spills through the windows and warms the skin
c. a good laugh when one the fellas at FHE said that this grandma was "running" to the door. you could see just the very top of her head, donned in a pink cap, slowly inching through the kitchen to the entry way
2. So today was new employee orientation, and can I just say I feel thoroughly enlightened from what I've learned. You may think there's a hint of sarcasm in that sentence, having sat through basically the same power points I've seen time and again at various health care organizations, BUT I totally learned something new today. Did you know that a miniature pony is considered by the ADA as a certified service animal? No joke. It was just perfect. The presenter asked the question if anyone knew the other animal other than a dog, and then clicked on the next slide to reveal this stout chunky little horse rigged up like a service dog. I kid you not, I googled that crap, and yes. Meet Mini Ed. It has sneakers, folks. Actual converse kicks.
3. Exercise: get out of bed, Jackie!
4. Meditation: prayer
5. Random Act of Kindness: visited the widows tonight for FHE
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Day 19
"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
1. I'm grateful for:
a. so many loved ones come to visit tonight
b. sacrament
c. exceptional conversation
2. I love people. I realized that tonight, I love to love people. Make them feel loved, help them to recognize their potential. Talk with them, laugh with them. I had an open house tonight, and so many people from all walks of my life came. From The Madsen family from when I was a beehive in Plano, to friends from BYU and Drexel, to my family (Lorri and Lisa came! LOVED having them), to my dear friends Cyle and Athena and little King from Killeen, to friends from Lehi, and the 2 MSA wards up here. What a wonderful night!
3. Exercise: can preparing for a party count?
4. Meditation: Prayer day and night
5. Random Act of Kindness: inviting and including all people to come
1. I'm grateful for:
a. so many loved ones come to visit tonight
b. sacrament
c. exceptional conversation
2. I love people. I realized that tonight, I love to love people. Make them feel loved, help them to recognize their potential. Talk with them, laugh with them. I had an open house tonight, and so many people from all walks of my life came. From The Madsen family from when I was a beehive in Plano, to friends from BYU and Drexel, to my family (Lorri and Lisa came! LOVED having them), to my dear friends Cyle and Athena and little King from Killeen, to friends from Lehi, and the 2 MSA wards up here. What a wonderful night!
3. Exercise: can preparing for a party count?
4. Meditation: Prayer day and night
5. Random Act of Kindness: inviting and including all people to come
Day 18
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Rachel helping me do what I needed to do on day one
b. sweet friends that do a drive by porch drop off of treats
c. talking with Cerrah, my dearest cousin whom I see once in a blue moon, at Jordan's baby shower
d. (500) Days of Summer
2. Pure moment of joy today printmaking at the University of Utah Museum of Fine Arts with Rachel V. That girl can bring a smile to my face with her funny little quips. We met incredible folks: Miss Rosie, the 4 year old with her father creating a volcano; Joe and his gal, I think Becky, and their 5 little guys. Joe's got some major skills with printmaking, brilliant cow. And Rachel with her boat, and I with my Fibonacci squares meets nature. Loved every minute of it. :)
3. Exercise: sleep escaped me this morning. It was a no go today.
4. Meditation: in museum today
5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped a woman with her groceries
― Dr. Seuss
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Rachel helping me do what I needed to do on day one
b. sweet friends that do a drive by porch drop off of treats
c. talking with Cerrah, my dearest cousin whom I see once in a blue moon, at Jordan's baby shower
d. (500) Days of Summer
2. Pure moment of joy today printmaking at the University of Utah Museum of Fine Arts with Rachel V. That girl can bring a smile to my face with her funny little quips. We met incredible folks: Miss Rosie, the 4 year old with her father creating a volcano; Joe and his gal, I think Becky, and their 5 little guys. Joe's got some major skills with printmaking, brilliant cow. And Rachel with her boat, and I with my Fibonacci squares meets nature. Loved every minute of it. :)
3. Exercise: sleep escaped me this morning. It was a no go today.
4. Meditation: in museum today
5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped a woman with her groceries
Friday, November 15, 2013
Day 17
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein
1. I'm grateful for:
a. such a wonderful first day at work
b. Jess, my new a fabulous co-worker showing me the ropes
c. Exquisite photos of nearly extinct tribes
2. I seriously thought that the first day of work they were gonna pimp me on cardiology info, but such was not the case. I had a wonderful lunch with my new coworkers, great people. I really feel like I'll fit in nicely. I am so blessed in life :)
3. Exercise: over 1.5 mile run
4. Meditation: before work
5. Random Act of Kindness: a little love note to a friend
― Shel Silverstein
1. I'm grateful for:
a. such a wonderful first day at work
b. Jess, my new a fabulous co-worker showing me the ropes
c. Exquisite photos of nearly extinct tribes
2. I seriously thought that the first day of work they were gonna pimp me on cardiology info, but such was not the case. I had a wonderful lunch with my new coworkers, great people. I really feel like I'll fit in nicely. I am so blessed in life :)
3. Exercise: over 1.5 mile run
4. Meditation: before work
5. Random Act of Kindness: a little love note to a friend
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Day 16
"...Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul."
-Excerpt from The Soul's Captain
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the incredible Rachel inviting me to the Special Needs Mutual
b. having the corner sealing room all to myself in the temple to pray
c. having a perfectly functioning body to be able to walk to the temple
2. Today Rachel V. invited me to join her while she fulfilled her calling as a leader for the specials needs group of the region. The folks in charge of this thing are absolutely brilliant! In the summer these girls couldn't go to girl's camp because of poor turn out, so instead the volunteers organized a night of "camping" indoors. They had a pseudo-fire pit with red, yellow and orange streamers with white Christmas lights and a fan blowing underneath, all bordered by real firewood to make it look like a real fire. They had a tipi, and two camping tents set up with lanterns and sleeping bags on the floor. They had a craft of painting birhouses, then sing-a-long with camp songs, followed by a sister giving a lesson on individual worth. It ended with somore like treats and a wonderful feeling in the room. It was amazing night!
3. Exercise: 1.5 mile walk to the Salt Lake Temple
4. Meditation: Endowment session at temple
5. Random Act of Kindness: I always hate walking by a homeless person when I have nothing to give, since I set a boundary for myself that all monetary donations I would give to help them would be through a charity. Nonetheless, I still feel like I can do more. There are always a few standing right outside Temple Square, and this time I was prepared! I gave her my snack that I packed, an apple and a cheese stick.
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul."
-Excerpt from The Soul's Captain
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the incredible Rachel inviting me to the Special Needs Mutual
b. having the corner sealing room all to myself in the temple to pray
c. having a perfectly functioning body to be able to walk to the temple
2. Today Rachel V. invited me to join her while she fulfilled her calling as a leader for the specials needs group of the region. The folks in charge of this thing are absolutely brilliant! In the summer these girls couldn't go to girl's camp because of poor turn out, so instead the volunteers organized a night of "camping" indoors. They had a pseudo-fire pit with red, yellow and orange streamers with white Christmas lights and a fan blowing underneath, all bordered by real firewood to make it look like a real fire. They had a tipi, and two camping tents set up with lanterns and sleeping bags on the floor. They had a craft of painting birhouses, then sing-a-long with camp songs, followed by a sister giving a lesson on individual worth. It ended with somore like treats and a wonderful feeling in the room. It was amazing night!
3. Exercise: 1.5 mile walk to the Salt Lake Temple
4. Meditation: Endowment session at temple
5. Random Act of Kindness: I always hate walking by a homeless person when I have nothing to give, since I set a boundary for myself that all monetary donations I would give to help them would be through a charity. Nonetheless, I still feel like I can do more. There are always a few standing right outside Temple Square, and this time I was prepared! I gave her my snack that I packed, an apple and a cheese stick.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Day 15
"I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee..." -God
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Marcie always thinking of others. She organized a dinner to celebrate my first day on Friday
b. Lunch with my cousin Becky. Seriously excellent conversation
c. Dancing with a strong enough fella to pick me up and dip me comfortably
2. I love my sister-in-law, Lisa. She let me vent on the phone today for a solid 15 minutes while the babies were jabbering away in the background. And she gives validation when it's needed, and totally calls me on my crap when it's time for that as well.
3. Exercise: Country swing dancing at the Westerner
4. Meditation: President Monson's general conference address
5. Random Act of Kindness: Saw an older fella in the corner and could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I went over, asked him to dance, and spent the next few songs teaching him the basics of two step. He was just beaming by the end of it. Made me happy to help someone else feel a bit of joy.
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Marcie always thinking of others. She organized a dinner to celebrate my first day on Friday
b. Lunch with my cousin Becky. Seriously excellent conversation
c. Dancing with a strong enough fella to pick me up and dip me comfortably
2. I love my sister-in-law, Lisa. She let me vent on the phone today for a solid 15 minutes while the babies were jabbering away in the background. And she gives validation when it's needed, and totally calls me on my crap when it's time for that as well.
3. Exercise: Country swing dancing at the Westerner
4. Meditation: President Monson's general conference address
5. Random Act of Kindness: Saw an older fella in the corner and could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I went over, asked him to dance, and spent the next few songs teaching him the basics of two step. He was just beaming by the end of it. Made me happy to help someone else feel a bit of joy.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Day 14
“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Mary sharing her talk about failure and perfectionism
b. Ann Lewis volunteering her time and energy to teach me family history
c. hugs that can be given via people I love
2. Read my friend Mary's article about failure and perfectionism. One quote I loved from the article: "True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment. Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.” President Utchdorf
3. Exercise: ran 3 miles
4. Meditation: Prayer while driving from from Orem to SLC
5. Random Act of Kindness: helped a lady and her kids find toothpicks in the store
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Mary sharing her talk about failure and perfectionism
b. Ann Lewis volunteering her time and energy to teach me family history
c. hugs that can be given via people I love
2. Read my friend Mary's article about failure and perfectionism. One quote I loved from the article: "True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment. Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.” President Utchdorf
3. Exercise: ran 3 miles
4. Meditation: Prayer while driving from from Orem to SLC
5. Random Act of Kindness: helped a lady and her kids find toothpicks in the store
Day 13
"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy." -Rabindranath Tagore
1. I'm grateful for:
a. my friends in the armed forces that keep us protected. This is the land of the free because of these brave
b. fishing with Justin, new friend from the ward
c. Rachel calling to get me out of the house and to the Veteran's Day Concert
2. One of my dear friends up here, who is currently serving in the National Guard, shared a hilarious story tonight about while she was deployed. She was staying with a group of gals in the Air Force, and safety was a top priority for these women. Well, the gals gave my friend a rape whistle in case anyone tried to attack her. Now mind you, my friend carried a LOADED weapon with her at all times during deployment. I'm gonna take a wild guess, but the first she she'd likely reach for if she was getting attacked may not be that whistle.
3. Exercise: stairs and hills
4. Meditation: a nap, can that count?
5. Random Act of Kindness: brought the trash cans up from the curb for my neighbor
1. I'm grateful for:
a. my friends in the armed forces that keep us protected. This is the land of the free because of these brave
b. fishing with Justin, new friend from the ward
c. Rachel calling to get me out of the house and to the Veteran's Day Concert
2. One of my dear friends up here, who is currently serving in the National Guard, shared a hilarious story tonight about while she was deployed. She was staying with a group of gals in the Air Force, and safety was a top priority for these women. Well, the gals gave my friend a rape whistle in case anyone tried to attack her. Now mind you, my friend carried a LOADED weapon with her at all times during deployment. I'm gonna take a wild guess, but the first she she'd likely reach for if she was getting attacked may not be that whistle.
3. Exercise: stairs and hills
4. Meditation: a nap, can that count?
5. Random Act of Kindness: brought the trash cans up from the curb for my neighbor
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Day 12
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Sunday naps
b. learning about bee keeping from Richard
c. make-up remover towelettes
2. Just spent the evening with Brother and Sister Bevan and a few folks from the MSA ward. It was a feast, an early Thanksgiving filled with delectable morsels of deliciousness. We played a super fun game and had great conversation with Annette, Richard, Richard, Mike, Katie, Sumer, Denise, Becky, and of course the Bevans. What good people!
3. Exercise: walked 3 miles, to and from the MoTab Veteran's Concert
4. Meditation: Tai chi basics
5. Random Act of Kindness: love note on friend's facebook
a. Sunday naps
b. learning about bee keeping from Richard
c. make-up remover towelettes
2. Just spent the evening with Brother and Sister Bevan and a few folks from the MSA ward. It was a feast, an early Thanksgiving filled with delectable morsels of deliciousness. We played a super fun game and had great conversation with Annette, Richard, Richard, Mike, Katie, Sumer, Denise, Becky, and of course the Bevans. What good people!
3. Exercise: walked 3 miles, to and from the MoTab Veteran's Concert
4. Meditation: Tai chi basics
5. Random Act of Kindness: love note on friend's facebook
Day 11
1. I'm grateful for
a. Aunt Beth, Uncle Tom, Jeff and Becky coming to visit my new place and for treating me to Market Street Grill for lunch. Delicious food and excellent conversation.
b. being able to pray at any time of the day or night
c. long hot showers
2. So during lunch today I was talking to Beth and Tom about how they first met and all those relationship questions, and I had a brief thought, "You know what, Jackie, it'll all work out." I've honestly struggled daily missing Jakob (one of my girlfriends described it best that in a break-up you don't just lose a boyfriend, but also your best friend), but I keep reminding myself "have a bit of faith that it'll work out." The Lord has helped with my move, with finding a job, and a perfect place to stay. He'll help me with my future spouse. Just like a race, I need to put in the work now to be the right person, because I know that the right person for me is devoting the time and effort to become that best self that he can be.
3. Exercise: Hike with Charity and Deborah
4. Meditation: Today I prayed more than I have in a long while
5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped with lost and found keys
a. Aunt Beth, Uncle Tom, Jeff and Becky coming to visit my new place and for treating me to Market Street Grill for lunch. Delicious food and excellent conversation.
b. being able to pray at any time of the day or night
c. long hot showers
2. So during lunch today I was talking to Beth and Tom about how they first met and all those relationship questions, and I had a brief thought, "You know what, Jackie, it'll all work out." I've honestly struggled daily missing Jakob (one of my girlfriends described it best that in a break-up you don't just lose a boyfriend, but also your best friend), but I keep reminding myself "have a bit of faith that it'll work out." The Lord has helped with my move, with finding a job, and a perfect place to stay. He'll help me with my future spouse. Just like a race, I need to put in the work now to be the right person, because I know that the right person for me is devoting the time and effort to become that best self that he can be.
3. Exercise: Hike with Charity and Deborah
4. Meditation: Today I prayed more than I have in a long while
5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped with lost and found keys
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Day 10
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Rachel and Marcie inviting me to their ward auction tonight
b. Athena bringing Kingston over and having a wonderful chat
c. Charity showing me around the hospital
2. So I have a dear friend that is going through some of the same things I've recently experienced. I chatted with him a few times today, and it was comforting to know that I could provide some guidance and love to help him take the next steps into the dark. I think that's a huge reason why we go through what we go through. What better way to be a source of comfort for someone than to experience it first hand.
3. Exercise: I am realizing a trend. When I wake up late, the exercise suffers!
4. Meditation: Did you know prayer is considered a form of meditation. I do that a gazillion times a day! It's like He's on speed dial in my heart.
5. Random Act of Kindness: Sent a little love to a friend via another friend
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Day 9
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.
Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” - Gordon B. Hinckley
1. I'm grateful for:
a. Charity helping me move a box spring to brother's place.
b. Aunt Lorri forgiving me for completely spacing our sewing date
c. My new friend Jared letting Charity and I borrow his truck for said move
2. It's been mixed emotions today. A battle between doubt and faith, and if I'm honest, I'm struggling a bit with the hopes of my heart and the reality that is today. Having said that, there were many moments today where I had happiness. One goes as follows: I was baking cookies and I was short an egg. What better time to meet the neighbors... I stroll over two doors down where it looks like someone might be home and met two wonderful women, Ana and Heather, and their two dogs Lexi and Niki. Lovely people, welcoming, kind, Ana is a retired ICU nurse and plays the piano and invited me over for duets. Heather is hilarious, and shared a story of how one time while visiting Dallas she stayed in a hotel in a blue zone, where she couldn't buy a drink; she had to travel all the way to the red zone to find that elusive beer. Made me laugh. I'm excited to learn more of the friends on the block.
3. Exercise: a walk
4. Meditation: Ordinances in the Salt Lake Temple
5. Random Act of Kindness: While exiting the temple, there was a man with anti-Mormon literature and was rather loud at voicing his opinion. Another man called back to him somewhat mockingly, which only exacerbated the situation. I chose to say, with all the love and kindness I know how, a simple "Have a good night," with a deep kind of smile that comes from the heart. I could see it softened him in his eyes, even if it was for just a brief moment, and I realized that he was a man that just needed to be loved.
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
Day 8
"True happiness involves the pursuit of worthy goals. Without dreams, without risks, only a trivial semblance of living can be achieved". Dan Buettner
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the pure entertainment that can be found at community council meetings
b. finally jumping through all the hoops to get into the MSA ward
c. tying up loose ends from Texas
2. So I went to a city council meeting tonight for the Greater Avenues area. Something about civic duty mixed with curiosity prompted me to walk through those doors, and I came home feeling like I hit a gold mine of stories. Unique characters with seriously intriguing personalities will be the highlight of future posts. Tonight one borderline elderly woman spent a solid 5-10 minutes discussing a "traffic jam" in our little residential area at "rush hour" due to a maintenance truck taking up a lane. She said she couldn't locate the workers, for all she knew they were "out to lunch" (said in a very stern, concerned voice with furrowed brow and all). This perturbed her enough to call the city and file a formal complaint. Flash backs of rush hour Dallas, or Philly or, oh gosh, miserable LA driving came to my mind. But! I wholeheartedly admit that it is because of these kinds of people that the community keeps functioning at a high standard. So, thank you, my new friend, for spending your retirement years on hold listening to seriously crappy music.
3. Exercise: house cleaning and cooking of meals for the next two weeks
4. Meditation: UCLA has a Mindful Awareness Research Center with free guided meditations. Sweet! I started with the first breathing meditation.
5. Random Act of Kindness: A little hello to a friend from the Dallas area
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the pure entertainment that can be found at community council meetings
b. finally jumping through all the hoops to get into the MSA ward
c. tying up loose ends from Texas
2. So I went to a city council meeting tonight for the Greater Avenues area. Something about civic duty mixed with curiosity prompted me to walk through those doors, and I came home feeling like I hit a gold mine of stories. Unique characters with seriously intriguing personalities will be the highlight of future posts. Tonight one borderline elderly woman spent a solid 5-10 minutes discussing a "traffic jam" in our little residential area at "rush hour" due to a maintenance truck taking up a lane. She said she couldn't locate the workers, for all she knew they were "out to lunch" (said in a very stern, concerned voice with furrowed brow and all). This perturbed her enough to call the city and file a formal complaint. Flash backs of rush hour Dallas, or Philly or, oh gosh, miserable LA driving came to my mind. But! I wholeheartedly admit that it is because of these kinds of people that the community keeps functioning at a high standard. So, thank you, my new friend, for spending your retirement years on hold listening to seriously crappy music.
3. Exercise: house cleaning and cooking of meals for the next two weeks
4. Meditation: UCLA has a Mindful Awareness Research Center with free guided meditations. Sweet! I started with the first breathing meditation.
5. Random Act of Kindness: A little hello to a friend from the Dallas area
Day 7
"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls." Mother Theresa
1.I'm grateful for:
a. gas being below $3 at Sams!
b. getting my food storage squared away
c. my mom giving me tips on saving
2. I went dancing at the Murray Arts Center entirely solo last night, and it turned out to be so much fun! There was an older gentleman there, Tom, that came without a partner as well, and we coupled up nicely. Good lead, quite handsome even for having a few years on him. I forgot how much I love to west coast swing. There's something so smooth and sexy about it, without it crossing the line of impropriety.
3. Exercise: Dancing the night away :)
4. Meditation: video during day, learned about controlling the internal thoughts even with external stress
5. Random Act of Service: helping out a few folks on the dance floor
1.I'm grateful for:
a. gas being below $3 at Sams!
b. getting my food storage squared away
c. my mom giving me tips on saving
2. I went dancing at the Murray Arts Center entirely solo last night, and it turned out to be so much fun! There was an older gentleman there, Tom, that came without a partner as well, and we coupled up nicely. Good lead, quite handsome even for having a few years on him. I forgot how much I love to west coast swing. There's something so smooth and sexy about it, without it crossing the line of impropriety.
3. Exercise: Dancing the night away :)
4. Meditation: video during day, learned about controlling the internal thoughts even with external stress
5. Random Act of Service: helping out a few folks on the dance floor
Monday, November 04, 2013
Day 6
"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis
1. I'm grateful for:
a. My family at the adoption (Aunt Beth, brother, Lisa, Lisa's family)
b. Dancing around Ikea with Aunt Lorri
c. Rachel cheering me on like a mad woman during dodge ball
2. Today was a big occasion for our family because my brother, Greg, and his wife, Lisa, officially adopted their little girl, Emma. All around it was filled with nuggets of happiness that will brighten the darkest of days. One in particular was when I played with my little nephew, Tristan, while the court proceedings were going on.
So, Tristan was in the court room, running back and forth between the tiny gate that acts as a barrier between the audience and the participants of the court. My poor brother was trying his darndest to keep him still, but that boy was born with an adventuresome spirit like mine. So brother first picked him up and handed Tristan to his grandpa. He, of course, wriggled his way out of that hold, came right back, and brother next handed him to grandma, to which he was better for a bit. But still the little man is born with Houdini blood, and found his way out of her arms and back across the gate. The third time brother handed the ninja munchkin to me, to which grandma gave me some solid weaponry. Fruit snacks. Glorious fruit snacks.
Oh, how I love thee, dearest fruit snacks.
I'd usually just give him the pouch, but I knew he'd run right back with it to his dad (my brother). So I sat there taking the fruit snacks, one by one, and slowly feeding it to him airplane style. Except the poor pilot of the fruit snack plane unfortunately dabbled with the fermented grapes and kept missing Tristan's mouth. Tristan would grasp at my arm and try to guide the scrumptious morsel in the right direction, but just as it came in for the landing, I'd shimmy the snack onto his cheek. or nose. or next door neighbor. Each fruit snack bought me about 15 seconds of him sitting relatively still. Granted, Tristan is a quick study, for he'd bob and weave to catch 'em. And, boy, does that little guy have teeth. Ouch! We made it through two pouches before he had enough of that game, but those few minutes I will forever love.
3. Exercise: dodge ball (I really can't count this one, I'll do better tomorrow)
4. Meditation before bed tonight
5. Random Act of kindness: brought muffins for brother and family to eat for breakfast, Tristan was the only one who could eat something that sweet so early in the day
1. I'm grateful for:
a. My family at the adoption (Aunt Beth, brother, Lisa, Lisa's family)
b. Dancing around Ikea with Aunt Lorri
c. Rachel cheering me on like a mad woman during dodge ball
2. Today was a big occasion for our family because my brother, Greg, and his wife, Lisa, officially adopted their little girl, Emma. All around it was filled with nuggets of happiness that will brighten the darkest of days. One in particular was when I played with my little nephew, Tristan, while the court proceedings were going on.
So, Tristan was in the court room, running back and forth between the tiny gate that acts as a barrier between the audience and the participants of the court. My poor brother was trying his darndest to keep him still, but that boy was born with an adventuresome spirit like mine. So brother first picked him up and handed Tristan to his grandpa. He, of course, wriggled his way out of that hold, came right back, and brother next handed him to grandma, to which he was better for a bit. But still the little man is born with Houdini blood, and found his way out of her arms and back across the gate. The third time brother handed the ninja munchkin to me, to which grandma gave me some solid weaponry. Fruit snacks. Glorious fruit snacks.
Oh, how I love thee, dearest fruit snacks.
I'd usually just give him the pouch, but I knew he'd run right back with it to his dad (my brother). So I sat there taking the fruit snacks, one by one, and slowly feeding it to him airplane style. Except the poor pilot of the fruit snack plane unfortunately dabbled with the fermented grapes and kept missing Tristan's mouth. Tristan would grasp at my arm and try to guide the scrumptious morsel in the right direction, but just as it came in for the landing, I'd shimmy the snack onto his cheek. or nose. or next door neighbor. Each fruit snack bought me about 15 seconds of him sitting relatively still. Granted, Tristan is a quick study, for he'd bob and weave to catch 'em. And, boy, does that little guy have teeth. Ouch! We made it through two pouches before he had enough of that game, but those few minutes I will forever love.
3. Exercise: dodge ball (I really can't count this one, I'll do better tomorrow)
4. Meditation before bed tonight
5. Random Act of kindness: brought muffins for brother and family to eat for breakfast, Tristan was the only one who could eat something that sweet so early in the day
Sunday, November 03, 2013
Day 5
"Happiness, not in another place, but this place... not in another hour, but this hour." Walt Whitman
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the beauty that exists with the change of the season
b. actually having a purposeful fast for Fast Sunday
c. friends that invite me to sit by them at church
2. So my positive experience of the day could seriously last me all week. It was that good. Two of my dearest friends from Salt Lake came over for dinner, the darling Rachel and Marcie. I love it when we get together because it's like one huge bucket fest of love. You know those folks in life that you trust enough to share your struggles, your successes... your worries and fears and fun times and all that makes us who we are. That's them. And we love each other not in spite, but because of our imperfections. We are, as one friend described her daughter, perfectly imperfect. Tonight we left with challenges to each other; mine are to make a portrait of how Christ sees me, and the other is to work on an improved image of self. That always could use a bit of polishing up, so... challenge accepted. ;)
3. Exercise: 3 mile walk through the memorial monuments and mountains
4. Meditation: I have so much to learn in this field... seriously not my strong point. But I can feel it's a undiscovered gem. What better way than to go to a well renowned source. Matthieu Richard is Buddhist monk who started as a French molecular biologist and "found my way to the mountains." It might be a bit tough to understand his French accent at first, but he has some spot on pointers to improve meditation.
5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a little love note to my mother
1. I'm grateful for:
a. the beauty that exists with the change of the season
b. actually having a purposeful fast for Fast Sunday
c. friends that invite me to sit by them at church
2. So my positive experience of the day could seriously last me all week. It was that good. Two of my dearest friends from Salt Lake came over for dinner, the darling Rachel and Marcie. I love it when we get together because it's like one huge bucket fest of love. You know those folks in life that you trust enough to share your struggles, your successes... your worries and fears and fun times and all that makes us who we are. That's them. And we love each other not in spite, but because of our imperfections. We are, as one friend described her daughter, perfectly imperfect. Tonight we left with challenges to each other; mine are to make a portrait of how Christ sees me, and the other is to work on an improved image of self. That always could use a bit of polishing up, so... challenge accepted. ;)
3. Exercise: 3 mile walk through the memorial monuments and mountains
4. Meditation: I have so much to learn in this field... seriously not my strong point. But I can feel it's a undiscovered gem. What better way than to go to a well renowned source. Matthieu Richard is Buddhist monk who started as a French molecular biologist and "found my way to the mountains." It might be a bit tough to understand his French accent at first, but he has some spot on pointers to improve meditation.
5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a little love note to my mother
Saturday, November 02, 2013
Day 4
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
1. I'm grateful for:
a. My new friends Julie, Lisa, and Emily taking me fly fishing!
b. glorious days where the weather is just perfect, nature is showing off its splendorus beauty, and life is filled with wonderful people
c. always needed chat with Elana and George
2. Loved every bit of today. Julie taught me the basics of fly fishing (casting, terminology, etc), Emily rocked it by getting a few bites and she totally shared her delicious homemade grape leather. And Lisa kept me steady whilst I crossed the torrential water (k so it was a simple stream, but those are some slippery rocks). I was in the water today, working on my throw, when something just clicked. It was amazing when I stopped over-thinking it, stopped worrying that I'd hit one of the girls with the hook and I just let go, that I found myself in a zone. Kind of like what I've felt during long bike rides or runs. Except this time I was wading in water, hearing the breeze rustle through the grass, feeling the float line slide through my fingers as the line reeled out and pulling it back in over and over, drinking deeply of the beauty that surrounded me. It was a perfect moment. I didn't catch a single fish, but that really didn't matter because I found so, so much more. For, I found a place of peace.
3. Exercise: can fly fishing count as exercise? ;)
4. Meditation video about breathing today
5. Help my new friend Jen M. figure out a few specifics about a chicken coop
1. I'm grateful for:
a. My new friends Julie, Lisa, and Emily taking me fly fishing!
b. glorious days where the weather is just perfect, nature is showing off its splendorus beauty, and life is filled with wonderful people
c. always needed chat with Elana and George
2. Loved every bit of today. Julie taught me the basics of fly fishing (casting, terminology, etc), Emily rocked it by getting a few bites and she totally shared her delicious homemade grape leather. And Lisa kept me steady whilst I crossed the torrential water (k so it was a simple stream, but those are some slippery rocks). I was in the water today, working on my throw, when something just clicked. It was amazing when I stopped over-thinking it, stopped worrying that I'd hit one of the girls with the hook and I just let go, that I found myself in a zone. Kind of like what I've felt during long bike rides or runs. Except this time I was wading in water, hearing the breeze rustle through the grass, feeling the float line slide through my fingers as the line reeled out and pulling it back in over and over, drinking deeply of the beauty that surrounded me. It was a perfect moment. I didn't catch a single fish, but that really didn't matter because I found so, so much more. For, I found a place of peace.
3. Exercise: can fly fishing count as exercise? ;)
4. Meditation video about breathing today
5. Help my new friend Jen M. figure out a few specifics about a chicken coop
Day 3
"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy "2 Nephi 2:25
Grateful for:
Grateful for:
a. an awesome bishop
b. James, the checkout guy at the Wal-Mart fish license section
c. Emma's smile (soon to be my little niece... adoption pending)
So tonight was my new MSA ward's Thanks for Giving dinner. Delicious! I met seriously awesome gals, a few which invited me to go fly fishing tomorrow (woot woot!). I think the part I loved most was actually at the very end when I was heading out the door and sat a moment to chat with the cashier, Diane. The silent auction bidding closed while we were in the midst of conversation, and there was this massive rush to the check out line. Seeing that overwhelmed look on her face, I jumped right in and started processing people's orders, and we got through that line in no time. It felt so good to pitch in and meet a few friendly folks along the way.
Exercise: Last Chance Workout DVD 30 min
Meditation: Endowment in the Timpanogos Temple today
Random Act of Kindness: see above story as a makeshift assistant cashier
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Day 2
"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." -Benjamin Franklin
1. I'm grateful for:
a. my Aunt being so flexible with my schedule
b. friends that support me with my marathon training schedule
c. a ridiculously adorable nephew and family in Halloween costumes
2. I watched a documentary today about happiness, something I've absolutely loved studying since I discovered the field of positive psychology. Working in a military town for the past few years, I dealt heavily with psychological disorders. I consistently sought better ways to help my patients empower themselves to live a healthier, happier life. Wanting to test out the theories and tools from my research, I was my first test subject. Yep, I would have totally been that guy that discovered H. pylori caused stomach ulcers by drinking a full glass of the nasty bacteria. So I implemented the recommendations including balancing my life/work schedule, investing/building my social relationships, exercising consistently, keeping a journal, and developing a more meaningful relationship with my Heavenly Father (it's so funny to see the variety of labels the scholarly authors put on God... Spiritual Being, Higher Power, etc. Call Him what you will, He exists). It is an understatement to say that these changes empowered me not only in my practice, but my personal life. There's something to be said about looking a patient square in the eyes and solidly testifying that these techniques actually work. I will forever be deeply grateful for those years of my life.
3. Exercise: Wii Fitness (Just Dance) for 30 min, trick or treating (counterproductive, no?) ;)
4. Meditation video
5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a letter thanking an old friend who helped me find ways to serve while was in Texas.
1. I'm grateful for:
a. my Aunt being so flexible with my schedule
b. friends that support me with my marathon training schedule
c. a ridiculously adorable nephew and family in Halloween costumes
2. I watched a documentary today about happiness, something I've absolutely loved studying since I discovered the field of positive psychology. Working in a military town for the past few years, I dealt heavily with psychological disorders. I consistently sought better ways to help my patients empower themselves to live a healthier, happier life. Wanting to test out the theories and tools from my research, I was my first test subject. Yep, I would have totally been that guy that discovered H. pylori caused stomach ulcers by drinking a full glass of the nasty bacteria. So I implemented the recommendations including balancing my life/work schedule, investing/building my social relationships, exercising consistently, keeping a journal, and developing a more meaningful relationship with my Heavenly Father (it's so funny to see the variety of labels the scholarly authors put on God... Spiritual Being, Higher Power, etc. Call Him what you will, He exists). It is an understatement to say that these changes empowered me not only in my practice, but my personal life. There's something to be said about looking a patient square in the eyes and solidly testifying that these techniques actually work. I will forever be deeply grateful for those years of my life.
3. Exercise: Wii Fitness (Just Dance) for 30 min, trick or treating (counterproductive, no?) ;)
4. Meditation video
5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a letter thanking an old friend who helped me find ways to serve while was in Texas.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Day 1
1. Gratitude:
a. finding the motivation to hang the rest of the wall photos
b. friends inviting me to a ball
c. having the time to paint my toenails
2. It's amazing how something as simple and unexpected as classical music can be a soothing balm for a wounded heart. Don't you worry, typical heartbreak. It is so very difficult to end a relationship to a good man, a worthy man, that you know in your heart of hearts... he's just not the right fit. At least at this time. Who knows what the future will hold, but I realized that you marry the man who he is today, not something you hope he will become in the future. Though I know I did the wounding to the both of us, it still can significantly hurt. And so I was listening to a TED talk where a violinist started to play, and it was like instant water to desert soil. No joke. Needless to say, I was completely shocked; it stopped me dead in my tracks as I was cleaning the house. I tested it out with Brahms, Mozart, Handel, Bach, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. The only one that was a definite nope was Orff's O Fortuna. Offenbach's Barcarolle was especially soothing. And so I am very grateful for this new discovery of classical music soothing a soul.
3. Exercise: Dancing
4. 15 min Meditation Video
5. sent a text to a friend
a. finding the motivation to hang the rest of the wall photos
b. friends inviting me to a ball
c. having the time to paint my toenails
2. It's amazing how something as simple and unexpected as classical music can be a soothing balm for a wounded heart. Don't you worry, typical heartbreak. It is so very difficult to end a relationship to a good man, a worthy man, that you know in your heart of hearts... he's just not the right fit. At least at this time. Who knows what the future will hold, but I realized that you marry the man who he is today, not something you hope he will become in the future. Though I know I did the wounding to the both of us, it still can significantly hurt. And so I was listening to a TED talk where a violinist started to play, and it was like instant water to desert soil. No joke. Needless to say, I was completely shocked; it stopped me dead in my tracks as I was cleaning the house. I tested it out with Brahms, Mozart, Handel, Bach, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. The only one that was a definite nope was Orff's O Fortuna. Offenbach's Barcarolle was especially soothing. And so I am very grateful for this new discovery of classical music soothing a soul.
3. Exercise: Dancing
4. 15 min Meditation Video
5. sent a text to a friend
I Choose Joy
It's been a minute since you've seen me around the block. And I'd like to think quite a bit has changed over the years since my last post. I've moved to SLC, and will be starting with the U of U. I have a few weeks before my first day, and thought over this next little bit I'd take on the challenge of finding the good in life. It all started with this TED talk.
5 Positive Points:
1. 3 New Points of Gratitude
2. Journal about one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hrs
3. Exercise
4. Meditate
5. A Random Act of Kindness
So for the next 21 days I commit to sharing the positive in my little life. :)
1. 3 New Points of Gratitude
2. Journal about one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hrs
3. Exercise
4. Meditate
5. A Random Act of Kindness
So for the next 21 days I commit to sharing the positive in my little life. :)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Talking Beaver on the Highway
There's this guy who takes raw footage of animals and adds voices to the clips. I could not stop laughing for like a half hour.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
K, so my poem writing skills are no good. But I thought no harm in trying.
The reason why I wrote it was actually because of a patient of mine that made a few crucial mistakes and wound up dealing with HUGE consequences. And it's kind of disheartening to see these young girls where puberty hit so early while their emotional capacity lags behind in childhood. And these girls, usually pressured by hormone filled guys, experiment with adult subjects far sooner than they should. And that leads to worse decisions that leave lasting emotional scars. It really does. Seeing perimenopausal women still become tearful about having an abortion as a teen is literally heart wrenching. To carry that weight for decades... I can't imagine.
well, so next poem will not be as heavy.
The reason why I wrote it was actually because of a patient of mine that made a few crucial mistakes and wound up dealing with HUGE consequences. And it's kind of disheartening to see these young girls where puberty hit so early while their emotional capacity lags behind in childhood. And these girls, usually pressured by hormone filled guys, experiment with adult subjects far sooner than they should. And that leads to worse decisions that leave lasting emotional scars. It really does. Seeing perimenopausal women still become tearful about having an abortion as a teen is literally heart wrenching. To carry that weight for decades... I can't imagine.
well, so next poem will not be as heavy.
Friday, August 13, 2010
hi folks. k, so I'm trying my hand at writing a poem, and I'd like some feedback. a fwe of the lines need some work. I'd love ideas if you'd like to share
(title to be continued...)
I thought I loved you, but I was not sure;
though you seemed so through and through.
For those cliché lines poured from your lips
with such strength and confidence that sip by sip
I drank, and my doubts dissipated as you lured
me cunningly in with each intoxicating word.
Jiggers of promises, like liquid courage, filled
me with drunken anticipation. Yet, oaths spilled
from your soul seeming so honest and true,
in the light of sobriety showed the subtle proof.
The somber realization ensuing the altered sense
Left fixed scars sustained while under the influence.
(title to be continued...)
I thought I loved you, but I was not sure;
though you seemed so through and through.
For those cliché lines poured from your lips
with such strength and confidence that sip by sip
I drank, and my doubts dissipated as you lured
me cunningly in with each intoxicating word.
Jiggers of promises, like liquid courage, filled
me with drunken anticipation. Yet, oaths spilled
from your soul seeming so honest and true,
in the light of sobriety showed the subtle proof.
The somber realization ensuing the altered sense
Left fixed scars sustained while under the influence.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I've been thinking about this for a bit. Let's see, how to start.
I lead a different kind of life. A veeery interesting type of life. I realized that my last post might have nauseated a few of you, perhaps a little too late. Deepest apologies. But for me, faux pas topics are becoming old hat. And perhaps it's just as well, because I can remember a time were I was so uncomfortable by image issues, the topic of sex, even bowel habits that I'd blush at the mere mention of it. It wasn't so long ago that I stuttered out the words "Ppp-p-p-l-ease describe your f-f-f-feces" and now, without batting an eye, "let's talk about your poop."
A world of difference. PA school really breaks you of that... I can't think of another profession were you see your classmates in their birthday suit on a weekly basis for months on end, or worse, have them see the stretch marks, the spider veins, all the flaws that make the physical you. And guess who was the one who drew the short end of the stick and had to be the patient for breast examination week. And here I should give a mini shout out to Joe, my teacher. Huge thanks for the confidence boost.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that at I know I definitely teeter with the "what's appropriate" topic line. As much as my mom wanted me to be, I'm not Jackie O. But I am someone that if you have a question, no matter how gauche you think it is, I've got no problem helping you find all the facts you need to make an informed decision.
I lead a different kind of life. A veeery interesting type of life. I realized that my last post might have nauseated a few of you, perhaps a little too late. Deepest apologies. But for me, faux pas topics are becoming old hat. And perhaps it's just as well, because I can remember a time were I was so uncomfortable by image issues, the topic of sex, even bowel habits that I'd blush at the mere mention of it. It wasn't so long ago that I stuttered out the words "Ppp-p-p-l-ease describe your f-f-f-feces" and now, without batting an eye, "let's talk about your poop."
A world of difference. PA school really breaks you of that... I can't think of another profession were you see your classmates in their birthday suit on a weekly basis for months on end, or worse, have them see the stretch marks, the spider veins, all the flaws that make the physical you. And guess who was the one who drew the short end of the stick and had to be the patient for breast examination week. And here I should give a mini shout out to Joe, my teacher. Huge thanks for the confidence boost.
side note, shells, I'm working in Killeen for a large company in central Texas called Scott and White, and I'm in family practice right now. I'm really starting to love it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that at I know I definitely teeter with the "what's appropriate" topic line. As much as my mom wanted me to be, I'm not Jackie O. But I am someone that if you have a question, no matter how gauche you think it is, I've got no problem helping you find all the facts you need to make an informed decision.
Friday, July 02, 2010
A bone to pick with the inventor of the Whiff Test
There are some things in my profession that is, how shall we say, unsavory. Digital Rectal Exams… I must raise a choice finger to the inventor of that. Examining a “rash” to find out it’s scabies… fun for the whole family! Well, one of the least favorite tests I encounter is The Whiff Test. Now you’ve got to assume that any test with the word “whiff” and talking about a bodily function is gonna activate the up-chuck reflex, much like when physicians of yore actually tasted urine for glucose. And I can’t emphasize how true this is.
Obviously an attack on a favored sense of mine, the whiff test forces the examiner to sniff a glass slide prepared with a woman’s discharge from her, as one of my patients called it a “cookie,” sprinkled with potassium hydroxide. Performing the baptism is said to cause a fishy odor to develop if the woman is indeed cursed with this disease. Somewhat less appealing than the marvel of the loaves and fishes, this modern day miracle points the way for the power to heal. At least 70% of the time.
So, dear inventor, my deepest gratitude for the daily assault on my olfactory nerve.
Obviously an attack on a favored sense of mine, the whiff test forces the examiner to sniff a glass slide prepared with a woman’s discharge from her, as one of my patients called it a “cookie,” sprinkled with potassium hydroxide. Performing the baptism is said to cause a fishy odor to develop if the woman is indeed cursed with this disease. Somewhat less appealing than the marvel of the loaves and fishes, this modern day miracle points the way for the power to heal. At least 70% of the time.
So, dear inventor, my deepest gratitude for the daily assault on my olfactory nerve.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
and the decision is...
Number 4!
Yes, yes, i know I didn't mention the number four offer in the last post, but that's becuase I didn't want to jinx the Killeen interview by saying I already had it. So let's see what I've won:
A family practice clinic in a large military town outside Fort Hood with an 8a-530p job M-F, no call. No call means no working Sundays, no ringing in the middle of the night, no exiting a movie to adjust a patient's med. I've got a good feeling about this one.
Yes, yes, i know I didn't mention the number four offer in the last post, but that's becuase I didn't want to jinx the Killeen interview by saying I already had it. So let's see what I've won:
A family practice clinic in a large military town outside Fort Hood with an 8a-530p job M-F, no call. No call means no working Sundays, no ringing in the middle of the night, no exiting a movie to adjust a patient's med. I've got a good feeling about this one.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
gimmie a T, gimmie a H, gimmie a Y-R-O-I-D! What's that spell?!
So Mom and I are on a little trip down in Killeen for a few days while I look for housing. Yesterday we were tapped out with touring cookie cutter home after home so we decided to take a little jaunt to Austin. Well, as it happens I forgot to bring my thyroid medicine down with me, so by day four I was feeling a little tired. So much so, that by the time we finished the walking tour of the capital I had to take a little rest on one of the benches outside. And by that time Mom's leg was hurting bad that she needed a respite herself. As we're sitting, Mom turns to me and says:
"Man, getting rid of your thyroid was the worst thing you could do. You should have just left it."
I reply, "Well, if I'd of left it, ultimately my eyes would have started popping out of my head."
"What?! You're joking."
"Nope," I respond, "It's called exophthalmos. And can't you just picture me having to tell my patients good or bad news with HUGE buggy eyes." I continue, " So envision this, you're the patient and I waltz in looking like Rodney Dangerfield, you're gonna think I'm gonna tell you you've got two days to live when you've really got heartburn. And what if you actually have two days to live?! Do you really want to get that kind of news from a deer in the headlights provider. Nope. No good."
We laughed and laughed on that bench as we appreciated the silver lining.
"Man, getting rid of your thyroid was the worst thing you could do. You should have just left it."
I reply, "Well, if I'd of left it, ultimately my eyes would have started popping out of my head."
"What?! You're joking."
"Nope," I respond, "It's called exophthalmos. And can't you just picture me having to tell my patients good or bad news with HUGE buggy eyes." I continue, " So envision this, you're the patient and I waltz in looking like Rodney Dangerfield, you're gonna think I'm gonna tell you you've got two days to live when you've really got heartburn. And what if you actually have two days to live?! Do you really want to get that kind of news from a deer in the headlights provider. Nope. No good."
We laughed and laughed on that bench as we appreciated the silver lining.
Monday, February 08, 2010
working 9 to 5
Update on the job search. I just finished three interviews this past week, and I've got one more interview in Killeen tomorrow (well, today actually). And I've got three job offers so far.
Door 1: Family practice in Fort Worth. Decent pay, great supervising physician, good benefits. I'd work four 10 hour days M-Th and have the rest off (aside from call once every couple of weeks). Not so great: still using paper charts and old school x-rays, but plans are in the works for an EMR next year.
Door 2: Internal Med in Denton. Crap office, but will be upgrading by September. Very nice attending, but a horrible structure in the office. I'm knocking this one off the list.
Door 3: Dream job working in an emergency room (Level 2 Trauma Unit which was just built last April). Sweet perks, best pay of the bunch. Three 12 hour shifts a week. Down side: it's in Waco. and I'd have waaaaay more responsibility (aka stress).
So what do ya think, 1 or 3?
Door 1: Family practice in Fort Worth. Decent pay, great supervising physician, good benefits. I'd work four 10 hour days M-Th and have the rest off (aside from call once every couple of weeks). Not so great: still using paper charts and old school x-rays, but plans are in the works for an EMR next year.
Door 2: Internal Med in Denton. Crap office, but will be upgrading by September. Very nice attending, but a horrible structure in the office. I'm knocking this one off the list.
Door 3: Dream job working in an emergency room (Level 2 Trauma Unit which was just built last April). Sweet perks, best pay of the bunch. Three 12 hour shifts a week. Down side: it's in Waco. and I'd have waaaaay more responsibility (aka stress).
So what do ya think, 1 or 3?
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Happiness is...
1. Old churches with red doors, usually with beautiful stain glass windows. When I lived up east, I'd sometimes wander around the city and walk into a cathedral and just sit there enjoying the ambiance while watching the folks light candles. Two of my best memories were in churches: 1) joining in evensong with Kristi and the boy's choir in London and 2) waltzing into St. Patrick's with the brothers in NY and by fortunate circumstance the choir was rehearsing for their Christmas program. Couldn't ask for more.
2. When my mother is happy
3. When my dad tells a super dumb joke, and I look at him with this "Really?! Did you really just say that?" face and he looks back with that impish grin
4. Learning to appreciate exercise: I have yet to find something more empowering than cycling. Yoga is a close second (Yeah, I never thought I'd be that girl either, but it turns out a gazillion people were right. Exercise does a body good).
5. finishing a project
6. When I can actually make that connection with a patient, when I can explain something and see that it actually makes sense to them, and especially when they make a turn for the better.
7. Very old trees
8. CAUTION, cheese is about to fly: Friends. Especially the ones that know me inside and out, know my quirks, my challenges, my faults, my unhappy days. And still love me.
9. Watching Kristi play Wii fit... this girl is the epitome of calm and collective except for when she tries to conquer the obstacle course. So funny!
10. Something that makes me have a huge belly laugh
2. When my mother is happy
3. When my dad tells a super dumb joke, and I look at him with this "Really?! Did you really just say that?" face and he looks back with that impish grin
4. Learning to appreciate exercise: I have yet to find something more empowering than cycling. Yoga is a close second (Yeah, I never thought I'd be that girl either, but it turns out a gazillion people were right. Exercise does a body good).
5. finishing a project
6. When I can actually make that connection with a patient, when I can explain something and see that it actually makes sense to them, and especially when they make a turn for the better.
7. Very old trees
8. CAUTION, cheese is about to fly: Friends. Especially the ones that know me inside and out, know my quirks, my challenges, my faults, my unhappy days. And still love me.
9. Watching Kristi play Wii fit... this girl is the epitome of calm and collective except for when she tries to conquer the obstacle course. So funny!
10. Something that makes me have a huge belly laugh
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I'm tagged!
A friend of mine, Annalise, tagged me in one of those taggy things. Man, that line is just seeping with intelligence. Anyhow, I can't remember the last time I was excited to do one of these (I truly think never), but it must be the season! So I'm gonna have to think about it. Topic: 10 things that make me happy.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm officially certifiable
You thought I was gonna say crazy, didn't you? Don't deny it. I know I wouldn't.
I took my national boards to become a Physician Assistant, and good news! I passed with above average flying colors! Woot woot! I love being above average. It's just enough to feel like you've got a little more than your neighbour, but a little less than the Pope.
Point is, I passed.
I took my national boards to become a Physician Assistant, and good news! I passed with above average flying colors! Woot woot! I love being above average. It's just enough to feel like you've got a little more than your neighbour, but a little less than the Pope.
Point is, I passed.
Monday, November 30, 2009
A little touch of Garland
I love this time of the year when the air turns crisp and the smell of firewood wafts through the sky. Love it! And I especially love take a few moments to knit a stitch here and there while watching Judy's best. Such favorties include The Man that Got Away, The Trolley Song, and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Yep, I'm officially ready for retirement.
Friday, November 06, 2009
I heart Sesame Street
In celebration of the 40th birthday of the most beloved street I thought I'd find a few recent clips. Though they might not be the classics from our time, they are just as entertaining and educational.
I'm officially skilled with counting to the number 4 thanks to Feist.
I love this outtake with Elmo and Ricky Gervais.
I'm officially skilled with counting to the number 4 thanks to Feist.
I love this outtake with Elmo and Ricky Gervais.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Shakespeare just got a little bit better
I love the theater, but it's sometimes tough to go every weekend because the bank account is looking mighty thin as of late. BUT! All across America tomorrow you can get into a show for free! You can even sign up to see a show over the weekend if tickets are still available. Simply visit the Free Night of Theater 2009 website, browse shows in your area, click and reserve. And tada! You're on your way to watching Hamlet's famous soliloquy or hearing Ichabod Crane's heart beat loudly from his chest.
I suggest yo hurry since tickets are going fast!
I suggest yo hurry since tickets are going fast!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
next to normal
I'm sure you've heard of this musical, but just in case you haven't, take a look. As of late, it's the music that gets me up in the morning. I'm so excited because next weekend I'm taking a little trip up to the big city and this is top of the to do list.
Here's a link to the prelude, and you can see in the related videos on that page you can listen to the entire musical. Favorites include Who's Crazy/My Psychopharmacologist and I, Everthing Else, Aftershocks, and Light. WARNING: swearing may be present.
Overview found at Wikipedia . Here's a video of when they were on the Tony's in June.
Let me know what you think.
Here's a link to the prelude, and you can see in the related videos on that page you can listen to the entire musical. Favorites include Who's Crazy/My Psychopharmacologist and I, Everthing Else, Aftershocks, and Light. WARNING: swearing may be present.
Overview found at Wikipedia . Here's a video of when they were on the Tony's in June.
Let me know what you think.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
you know it's time for a break when...
Tonight in the shower I shaved an entire leg before realizing that I still had the guard on.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
a moment to relax...
I'm going to the Georgia Aquarium wit my folks after graduating the end of August. Preview to something I might see.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
la cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar
We've all got phobias. Whether it be a wide-eyed china doll whose gaze always seems to follow you or the creepy clown/weather man on channel six, in some fashion everyone has that one thing that upon seeing it immediately causes a TIA.
That thing that gets my amygdala going is the forsaken cockroach. Even as I write this, I'm controlling my gag reflex and trying to keep the instant stress headache at bay. I truly hate the bugs from the underworld.
As an example, when I was in high school I remember one night I was taking a shower and as I stepped out I saw two evil ones staring at me from the counter. Well tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum were much smarter than their names imply, for they knew I was terrified of them. They could sense it. Frozen in my place, with barely a towel, I screamed for my father. He, thinking someone was attacking me, ran up the stairs to find me in my statuesque Venus de Milo pose, and that's when it happened. The little buggers FLEW AT ME! I, of course, ran down the stairs and exited my house, all the while screaming with nothing but my tiny towel on. Let's just say I was the entertainment for the neighbours that night.
My story brings me to last week. I just moved to Reading, PA to finish up my very last preceptorship, and the hospital provides housing for the students in one of their older buildings. I, wanting to save a penny while substantially increasing the amount of nap time I'd get from cutting out a commute, concede to the plan. First week no problems. Second week, I get a new roommate who is a med student from PCOM. Well, make that two new mates. The second came two nights after the first moved in. Sitting in my chair, studying the night away, I see something in my periphery, and low and behold there aroseth from the fiery depths the spawn of Satan himself crawling up my wall.
Again, I'm frozen in my place. Yet, this time the rational part of my brain kicks in, and I actually start to move for the shoe resting next to my foot. And then the dance begins.
Sensing danger, the roach freezes from his course, and I immediately follow suit. Barely breathing, I hold my position till he pushes on. For the second time, I slowly reach for the shoe, and now have it in my grasp and start to slothfully stand. He stops. and I. He starts up again, and here I gather all my strength to move into striking position. I work up the nerve to get mere feet from the bug, and start to swing, when the power of his stare completely deflates my attack attempt, and I gutlessly swing to make direct contact with the wall a good foot away from the target. And that's when he flew at me. F.L.E.W. A.T. M.E.
Oh no you didn't. I'd like to note here I did not scream, but rather doubled my efforts to attack by taking one last pitiful swing before fleeing the room.
And that's when I walked down the hall to get the toughest guy I knew on the floor, Al. He once was a football player for the Miami Dolphins who now happens to be the Chaplin for the hospital (I know, talk about career change). I needed the power of God on my side. Well, he and his friend come down to discover for themselves that the fourth sign of the Apocalypse just arrived in Reading.
They walk in, the bug immediately kamikazes Al, and I'm not even kidding, the two literally dive for cover. The bug makes a bee line for my closet, and the boys quickly recover and take action by digging out my luggage and laundry on the closet floor to see the roach crawl into a crack in the corner.
HE'S LIVING IN MY CLOSET. Well, I should say the wall between my closet and my pansy med student neighbour who didn't have the guts to open his closet door to see where the roach had gone.
Let the nightmares begin.
That thing that gets my amygdala going is the forsaken cockroach. Even as I write this, I'm controlling my gag reflex and trying to keep the instant stress headache at bay. I truly hate the bugs from the underworld.
As an example, when I was in high school I remember one night I was taking a shower and as I stepped out I saw two evil ones staring at me from the counter. Well tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum were much smarter than their names imply, for they knew I was terrified of them. They could sense it. Frozen in my place, with barely a towel, I screamed for my father. He, thinking someone was attacking me, ran up the stairs to find me in my statuesque Venus de Milo pose, and that's when it happened. The little buggers FLEW AT ME! I, of course, ran down the stairs and exited my house, all the while screaming with nothing but my tiny towel on. Let's just say I was the entertainment for the neighbours that night.
My story brings me to last week. I just moved to Reading, PA to finish up my very last preceptorship, and the hospital provides housing for the students in one of their older buildings. I, wanting to save a penny while substantially increasing the amount of nap time I'd get from cutting out a commute, concede to the plan. First week no problems. Second week, I get a new roommate who is a med student from PCOM. Well, make that two new mates. The second came two nights after the first moved in. Sitting in my chair, studying the night away, I see something in my periphery, and low and behold there aroseth from the fiery depths the spawn of Satan himself crawling up my wall.
Again, I'm frozen in my place. Yet, this time the rational part of my brain kicks in, and I actually start to move for the shoe resting next to my foot. And then the dance begins.
Sensing danger, the roach freezes from his course, and I immediately follow suit. Barely breathing, I hold my position till he pushes on. For the second time, I slowly reach for the shoe, and now have it in my grasp and start to slothfully stand. He stops. and I. He starts up again, and here I gather all my strength to move into striking position. I work up the nerve to get mere feet from the bug, and start to swing, when the power of his stare completely deflates my attack attempt, and I gutlessly swing to make direct contact with the wall a good foot away from the target. And that's when he flew at me. F.L.E.W. A.T. M.E.
Oh no you didn't. I'd like to note here I did not scream, but rather doubled my efforts to attack by taking one last pitiful swing before fleeing the room.
And that's when I walked down the hall to get the toughest guy I knew on the floor, Al. He once was a football player for the Miami Dolphins who now happens to be the Chaplin for the hospital (I know, talk about career change). I needed the power of God on my side. Well, he and his friend come down to discover for themselves that the fourth sign of the Apocalypse just arrived in Reading.
They walk in, the bug immediately kamikazes Al, and I'm not even kidding, the two literally dive for cover. The bug makes a bee line for my closet, and the boys quickly recover and take action by digging out my luggage and laundry on the closet floor to see the roach crawl into a crack in the corner.
HE'S LIVING IN MY CLOSET. Well, I should say the wall between my closet and my pansy med student neighbour who didn't have the guts to open his closet door to see where the roach had gone.
Let the nightmares begin.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
wax on, wax off
The days are getting longer, the weather warmer. Soon shorts will be popping up like the bulbs in my front yard. And nothing makes a girl feel sexier during this season than smooth, beautiful legs that are ready for the beaches. Wanting to feel a little more sassy, I bought a waxing kit from Wal-mart complete with tongue depressors, sheets of paper, and paraffin wax.
b.a.d. i.d.e.a.
I started with my underarms since I thought I could muscle through two strips without chickening out. First one.... RRRRRIIIIIPPPPPP. And the words still echo in my mind, for though they came from me, I never knew I could speak in tongues. it was something along the lines of Oh Holy Night mixed with By The Power Of Greyskull.
Okay, that's a scorching red right there, as I stare at my sad, hurt armpit. But I thought I can quit now or power through. Just power through, Jackie.
Underarm torture take 2: and ACTION!
Dip, smear, apply strip.
Pause.
"You can do this, you can do this, you can do this," I chant to myself as the piece of paper starts to quickly fasten to the hair and work its way down to the live layer of skin. As I move my free hand into death grip position, I notice something. hmm. I can't lift up my arm I just waxed. What the... oh no.
no.no.no.no.no.
In my hurry, I forgot to use the "soothing oil" after the first strip, and it hits me that I didn't get all of the wax off from the first try. my right armpit is NOW GLUED SHUT.
Panicking, I hop in the shower as I tear off the second strip (MOTHER!) and start dumping the body wash all over my underarms, which seems to loosen the skin stuck together, but now the wax is melting under the heat of the warm water, and spreading and is not coming off at all with vigorous scrubbing and soap. Towel, I think.
nope, not the answer. As the wax cools off from exiting the shower, the towel now becomes one massive furry paper strip. Towel glued to armpit x 2, I finally read the directions to discover that the oil is the way to remove extra wax. I dig through the box, towel draped across chest and securely fastened to body sans safety pins/clips/buttons, to discover this ity-bity bottle of oil, and I just start pouring. worked like a charm. in the aftermath I could somewhat recognize the remnants of what should be the skin under the arms, along the thorax, and even part of the skin around the biceps.
and now I'm pissed. No way in hell some smart-a box is gonna win this battle. I reheat the wax and start on the leg, determined to finish.
Well 3/4 of one leg later, I finally had enough. And since I used the entire bottle of oil during the arm fiasco, I resorted to PAM cooking spray to remove the stubborn tidbits of dried wax sculpted to my poor red leg.
AND SCENE.
b.a.d. i.d.e.a.
I started with my underarms since I thought I could muscle through two strips without chickening out. First one.... RRRRRIIIIIPPPPPP. And the words still echo in my mind, for though they came from me, I never knew I could speak in tongues. it was something along the lines of Oh Holy Night mixed with By The Power Of Greyskull.
Okay, that's a scorching red right there, as I stare at my sad, hurt armpit. But I thought I can quit now or power through. Just power through, Jackie.
Underarm torture take 2: and ACTION!
Dip, smear, apply strip.
Pause.
"You can do this, you can do this, you can do this," I chant to myself as the piece of paper starts to quickly fasten to the hair and work its way down to the live layer of skin. As I move my free hand into death grip position, I notice something. hmm. I can't lift up my arm I just waxed. What the... oh no.
no.no.no.no.no.
In my hurry, I forgot to use the "soothing oil" after the first strip, and it hits me that I didn't get all of the wax off from the first try. my right armpit is NOW GLUED SHUT.
Panicking, I hop in the shower as I tear off the second strip (MOTHER!) and start dumping the body wash all over my underarms, which seems to loosen the skin stuck together, but now the wax is melting under the heat of the warm water, and spreading and is not coming off at all with vigorous scrubbing and soap. Towel, I think.
nope, not the answer. As the wax cools off from exiting the shower, the towel now becomes one massive furry paper strip. Towel glued to armpit x 2, I finally read the directions to discover that the oil is the way to remove extra wax. I dig through the box, towel draped across chest and securely fastened to body sans safety pins/clips/buttons, to discover this ity-bity bottle of oil, and I just start pouring. worked like a charm. in the aftermath I could somewhat recognize the remnants of what should be the skin under the arms, along the thorax, and even part of the skin around the biceps.
and now I'm pissed. No way in hell some smart-a box is gonna win this battle. I reheat the wax and start on the leg, determined to finish.
Well 3/4 of one leg later, I finally had enough. And since I used the entire bottle of oil during the arm fiasco, I resorted to PAM cooking spray to remove the stubborn tidbits of dried wax sculpted to my poor red leg.
AND SCENE.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
bear attack
When I feel I need a break, I somtimes go to Howcast to fill in the void. and I always seem to find myself watching something like this, thinking just in case.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Hershey: the scariest place on earth
So you may be wondering where Jackie has hibernated to, and that lucky place is the great city of Hershey. One sentence describes my entire experience here: I've seen things that will stick with me for the rest of my life. And at the top of that list is the singing cows at Chocolate World. During one weekend after a snowfall I decided to get out of the house and head over to the locally recommended hot spot, all the while operating on the assumption that it's one big candy shop. Heads up, it is not. It is so much terrifyingly more.
As I drive over on the overcast afternoon, I turn into the entrance to see massive empty parking lots covering acres of land and a vacated amusement park looking old and dingy in the poor light, and it honestly feels as if I'm passing through a bizarre ghost town. I park next to the main entrance, which brings the total car count in the lot to a dozen, and as I head toward the faded multi-colored entrance I realize I'm virtually alone.
I walk through the doors and past dimly lit doorway openings to the nearest signs of life, and I enter into the back way of the gift shop. So there I am stepping into this massive labyrinth of chocolate, whose walls consist of 10-16 feet high walls of Reece's and Hershey's milk bars and kisses, and at the top I can see giant pieces of candy fully equipped with eyes, legs and toothless smiles all staring down at me.
Opting to distance myself from the glare, I weave my way to the front where after 10 minutes have passed, I see my first human. The cashier. Wanting to make sure I just didn't fall down the rabbit hole, I ask about the empty place to find out that most things are closed, but that there is a indoor Hershey's ride still open for the day.
Well, not wanting the trip to be a total bust, I waltz my way over to the giant "Hershey's Great American Chocolate Tour" entrance where yet again I walk through to find myself alone. In a dimly lit hallway. Come on, I think to myself. side note to Hershey: has the economy hit you that hard that you're cutting back on lighting? Please.
You can tell these vacant hallways are meant for herding massive amounts of people, and each is peppered with TV sets playing a video on the process of cocoa bean harvesting. I pause a moment to watch, but again I start to notice the void of life made clear by the utter silence aside from the TVs. So I book it through hallway after hallway to find the entrance to the ride all the while thinking to myself that a few of the patients on my psych rotation would have lost it by now. As I reach the pinnacle I find a flight of stairs descending to a circular moving floor with the carpet in the design of a multi-colored brown pinwheel. And on the border of the wheel I see bucket seats in groups of three moving by the edge and then breaking off into the entrance of the ride. Two people were taking their time exiting the ride, so the worker directed me to sit in the second bucket. I climb in and cozy myself down, and after a moment my seat glides me into the opening, and it's obvious that there is no one joining me in my bucket. or my group of three. or the groups in front or behind me.
At this point I consider busting out a few lines of "All By Myself" when before I knew it someone beat me to the singing. Well, I should say something. Three cows, that it. Three massive cloth covered cow heads sticking out from a wall start to soulfully sing three words over and over again, that being "Hershey's milk chocolate!" Thinking that I want a better view, my bucket turns me toward the blasting music to face the cows head on (hardy har har).
My cart continues to carry me on to the next room, which is really a room starting the explanation of how chocolate is made. So from room to room my cart shifts me from left to right to stare at massive equipment used during each step of the chocolate making process (along with actual footage from the factory displayed on large TVs). And all the while a wanna-be spokesman for Rogain with background music from the Milk Chocolate song blasts me away. I went through many a room, and even through the inside of a massive heating oven to finally find myself in the last room. The best way to describe the room is one giant LCD screen with iconic images from cities around the US flashing before my eyes with jazzy music from the 1980s adding the finishing touches to the nightmare I'll be having later on that night. As I exit, a pubescent teen hands me two pieces of chocolate, and looking on the ground I notice carcasses of empty wrappers and even unopened pieces haphazardly tossed on the floor. I imagine that's the chocolate that was chucked away from patrons fleeing the scene.
You know, I completely understand now why small children spontaneously start screaming on amusement rides. I wondered if people who've been abducted would use this as an adequate description of their experience.
As I drive over on the overcast afternoon, I turn into the entrance to see massive empty parking lots covering acres of land and a vacated amusement park looking old and dingy in the poor light, and it honestly feels as if I'm passing through a bizarre ghost town. I park next to the main entrance, which brings the total car count in the lot to a dozen, and as I head toward the faded multi-colored entrance I realize I'm virtually alone.
I walk through the doors and past dimly lit doorway openings to the nearest signs of life, and I enter into the back way of the gift shop. So there I am stepping into this massive labyrinth of chocolate, whose walls consist of 10-16 feet high walls of Reece's and Hershey's milk bars and kisses, and at the top I can see giant pieces of candy fully equipped with eyes, legs and toothless smiles all staring down at me.
Opting to distance myself from the glare, I weave my way to the front where after 10 minutes have passed, I see my first human. The cashier. Wanting to make sure I just didn't fall down the rabbit hole, I ask about the empty place to find out that most things are closed, but that there is a indoor Hershey's ride still open for the day.
Well, not wanting the trip to be a total bust, I waltz my way over to the giant "Hershey's Great American Chocolate Tour" entrance where yet again I walk through to find myself alone. In a dimly lit hallway. Come on, I think to myself. side note to Hershey: has the economy hit you that hard that you're cutting back on lighting? Please.
You can tell these vacant hallways are meant for herding massive amounts of people, and each is peppered with TV sets playing a video on the process of cocoa bean harvesting. I pause a moment to watch, but again I start to notice the void of life made clear by the utter silence aside from the TVs. So I book it through hallway after hallway to find the entrance to the ride all the while thinking to myself that a few of the patients on my psych rotation would have lost it by now. As I reach the pinnacle I find a flight of stairs descending to a circular moving floor with the carpet in the design of a multi-colored brown pinwheel. And on the border of the wheel I see bucket seats in groups of three moving by the edge and then breaking off into the entrance of the ride. Two people were taking their time exiting the ride, so the worker directed me to sit in the second bucket. I climb in and cozy myself down, and after a moment my seat glides me into the opening, and it's obvious that there is no one joining me in my bucket. or my group of three. or the groups in front or behind me.
At this point I consider busting out a few lines of "All By Myself" when before I knew it someone beat me to the singing. Well, I should say something. Three cows, that it. Three massive cloth covered cow heads sticking out from a wall start to soulfully sing three words over and over again, that being "Hershey's milk chocolate!" Thinking that I want a better view, my bucket turns me toward the blasting music to face the cows head on (hardy har har).
My cart continues to carry me on to the next room, which is really a room starting the explanation of how chocolate is made. So from room to room my cart shifts me from left to right to stare at massive equipment used during each step of the chocolate making process (along with actual footage from the factory displayed on large TVs). And all the while a wanna-be spokesman for Rogain with background music from the Milk Chocolate song blasts me away. I went through many a room, and even through the inside of a massive heating oven to finally find myself in the last room. The best way to describe the room is one giant LCD screen with iconic images from cities around the US flashing before my eyes with jazzy music from the 1980s adding the finishing touches to the nightmare I'll be having later on that night. As I exit, a pubescent teen hands me two pieces of chocolate, and looking on the ground I notice carcasses of empty wrappers and even unopened pieces haphazardly tossed on the floor. I imagine that's the chocolate that was chucked away from patrons fleeing the scene.
You know, I completely understand now why small children spontaneously start screaming on amusement rides. I wondered if people who've been abducted would use this as an adequate description of their experience.
Friday, December 26, 2008
sounds like...
I'm currently home in Texas for the holidays visiting my folks. It's been entertaining to say the least,mostly because of the funny slips of the tongue that are oh-so infamous in the Cummings clan.
For example, during Christmas Eve dinner at Macaroni Grill, we started talking about places we've always wanted to visit, and I mentioned how I want to go see the Northern Lights in Canada. I also let them know how I've been taking mini-trips during my rotations, and my Mom chimed in by saying "Well, on one of those trips, Jackie, you can go see the Areola."
A moment passed until the full weight of the comment sunk in at the table, and suddenly an explosion of laughter rang out from the two of us.
Me: "Mom, do you mean Aurora Borealis"
classic Mom.
For example, during Christmas Eve dinner at Macaroni Grill, we started talking about places we've always wanted to visit, and I mentioned how I want to go see the Northern Lights in Canada. I also let them know how I've been taking mini-trips during my rotations, and my Mom chimed in by saying "Well, on one of those trips, Jackie, you can go see the Areola."
A moment passed until the full weight of the comment sunk in at the table, and suddenly an explosion of laughter rang out from the two of us.
Me: "Mom, do you mean Aurora Borealis"
classic Mom.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
ornaments and organized religion
I just came home from a night at the Goggleworks, a community arts center in Reading, where I was both academically and pseudo-ecumenically educated. I participated in a hot glass blowing workshop in which I created an ornament to give to my dad for Christmas. Each year he asks for the same thing, that being Peace, and since he knows there's a slim chance of fulfilling the request in its entirety, he asks that the monetary gift be handmade. Well a girl can only make so many scarfs/hats/cards before she runs out of good ideas. Thus, the class. Actually, I love that he asks for that because it gives me an excuse to do something new and fun and not feel a lick of guilt for not studying.
After the class I wandered over to the main building to see what new independent film they were showing, and as luck would have it, Bill Maher's new movie Religious was playing. Since the class ran a little late, I missed the first half hour of it, but the part that I did see was enough to realize that though there were a few quick witted comments and partial truths, Maher wasn't openly looking for alternatives to his view on religion, or lack thereof. He pushed his own agenda with sounds bites and montages from people of various faiths and his diatribe at the end felt completely disjointed and hoaxy. I usually don't love Fox news, but in this case this review of the movie nailed it on the head. My critique: go for a few laughs if you've got nothing else to do, but expect nothing more than to be mildly entertained, and if you're super religious, possibly offended.
After the class I wandered over to the main building to see what new independent film they were showing, and as luck would have it, Bill Maher's new movie Religious was playing. Since the class ran a little late, I missed the first half hour of it, but the part that I did see was enough to realize that though there were a few quick witted comments and partial truths, Maher wasn't openly looking for alternatives to his view on religion, or lack thereof. He pushed his own agenda with sounds bites and montages from people of various faiths and his diatribe at the end felt completely disjointed and hoaxy. I usually don't love Fox news, but in this case this review of the movie nailed it on the head. My critique: go for a few laughs if you've got nothing else to do, but expect nothing more than to be mildly entertained, and if you're super religious, possibly offended.
Monday, December 01, 2008
guess who's coming to town
My preceptorships are tentatively assigned... and the winners are:
Feb-April: Family Practice at Central Utah Clinic, Provo, Ut
May-August: ED at Reading Hospital, Reading, PA
I'm coming back to Utah!!
Feb-April: Family Practice at Central Utah Clinic, Provo, Ut
May-August: ED at Reading Hospital, Reading, PA
I'm coming back to Utah!!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
nut, nut, who'se got the nut?
I've wrapped up the end of my time served in inpatient psychiatry at Olean, NY and if you've ever wondered where the mullet originated from, you needn't look further. Other firsts in this city include knick-knacks, psychotic patients, and my personal favorite, massive ceramic squirrels. Does anyone else see a correlation?
You may think I'm kidding about the squirrels, and I would've been right on that disbelieving boat with you. But, friends, I have been there. I have seen. I have had nightmares. And here is my proof (I named a few):
Disco Ball Ben:
Small Town Bugsy:
Mr. Money Bags:
Incognito Irnia:
Possibly the most terrifying of all the squirrels, whom I call the Godfather:
Vincent:
Honolulu Hal:
Nurse Betsy:
Surgeon Sam:
And of course we can't forget Santa Squirrel:
and his back side:
You may think I'm kidding about the squirrels, and I would've been right on that disbelieving boat with you. But, friends, I have been there. I have seen. I have had nightmares. And here is my proof (I named a few):
Disco Ball Ben:
Small Town Bugsy:
Mr. Money Bags:
Incognito Irnia:
Possibly the most terrifying of all the squirrels, whom I call the Godfather:
Vincent:
Honolulu Hal:
Nurse Betsy:
Surgeon Sam:
And of course we can't forget Santa Squirrel:
and his back side:
Saturday, October 25, 2008
white girls can jazzercise
wait for the freeze frame... pure laughter
(thanks to Luke for finding this gem)
Monday, October 13, 2008
some interesting sites on my drive up to Olean
A crazy water fountain sputtering water onto the four lane highway. who puts a fountain next to a highway?
A house and lawn ENTIRELY decorated with massive inflatable Halloween ornaments (including a huge ghost castle, five pumpkins, a spider, and a ghost hanging from a tree)
a dolphin mailbox
three kids driving a seated lawn mower whose sum ages added up to 14
ZZ Top reincarnated
A classic car colored sea foam green with the occupants dressed like from The Sting
A house and lawn ENTIRELY decorated with massive inflatable Halloween ornaments (including a huge ghost castle, five pumpkins, a spider, and a ghost hanging from a tree)
a dolphin mailbox
three kids driving a seated lawn mower whose sum ages added up to 14
ZZ Top reincarnated
A classic car colored sea foam green with the occupants dressed like from The Sting
Friday, October 03, 2008
a good day
I delivered 3 babies on my birthday... couldn't ask for a better present. Not gonna lie, I teared up a little.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
growing pains
Today was the day I got my hands dirty during a natural delivery and delivered my first baby. As luck would have it, my first was with a baby who had Meconium stain and nuchal cord x 1. In other words, a very complicated delivery, so much so that the baby was in respiratory arrest and we had to start bagging him. NOT GOOD. The mom kept staring at me and the doctor asking why her baby wasn't crying. I literally wanted to vomit. Thank the lord that my preceptor (the doctor) is completely amazing and knows how to keep her cool in a very tense situation. She guided my hands to where they needed to go when I started to freeze up and helped me stay outwardly calm and collected when all I wanted to do was jump out of my skin. I felt so bad after the delivery thinking I had done something wrong (which I didn't).... she let me know that sometimes deliveries are just complicated, and it happened that my first case was that way. The baby is now fine, and mother is fine, and I'm fine. I guess this is what comes with growing up.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
judging a book by its cover
While walking through the halls of yet another hospital today (this time Kent General in Dover) I noticed a trend in medical marketing. Every place I've worked at so far displayed a sign with children dressed up as doctors/nurses reminding folks to wash hands or be quiet or whatever. Sure, at first glance you think everything's alright, perhaps even a little precious, but after so many exposures, you start to become concerned. Concerns like where the hell do these kids get off telling me what to do? They've got to be no older than 4, sans college degrees and permanent teeth. Unless you're Doogie Howser and can chew through steak, I'm not buyin, even if I know better.
In fact, I'm rebelling. My plan tomorrow... avoid soap like the plague while screaming Yankee Doodle Dandy. See that kids, look at what you made me do. you're bringing me down to your level.
side note: I was actually slapped in the face by a two year old girl who was the sister of an 8 month old baby I was treating. Apparently I was giving too much attention to her brother even though the staff took the time to blow up a disposable latex glove and fashion it to look like a chicken. So she climbed up on a step and took her glove and slapped me with it. I swear, I almost quit right there.
In fact, I'm rebelling. My plan tomorrow... avoid soap like the plague while screaming Yankee Doodle Dandy. See that kids, look at what you made me do. you're bringing me down to your level.
side note: I was actually slapped in the face by a two year old girl who was the sister of an 8 month old baby I was treating. Apparently I was giving too much attention to her brother even though the staff took the time to blow up a disposable latex glove and fashion it to look like a chicken. So she climbed up on a step and took her glove and slapped me with it. I swear, I almost quit right there.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
something must be in the air
Today I didn't have to go to work so I started the day by sleeping in till ten, breakfast in bed, and a movie. Since I hadn't yet gotten out of bed at one o'clock I felt a bit like a bum, so I thought I'd have a mini workout. But I didn't want to completely give up my slothful ways, so I went without a bra.
Or pants.
So there I am doing sit-ups on my exercise ball in a very flimsy top and skivvies while listening to my usual exercise music when all of a sudden the song I Don't Feel Like Dancin' from the Scissor Sisters starts up. Now, if you've never heard the song, you might find it hard to understand how the tune posses people to stop their current activities and force them to start wilding dancing about the room. Friends, I was easy prey.
As I flail about, I glance out the window to find the gardner, THE GARDNER, standing outside with his weed whacker, John Deer hat and massive head phones staring straight at me. Yep, I just died a little. And I couldn't help think about Annalise's recent adventures in streaking.
Or pants.
So there I am doing sit-ups on my exercise ball in a very flimsy top and skivvies while listening to my usual exercise music when all of a sudden the song I Don't Feel Like Dancin' from the Scissor Sisters starts up. Now, if you've never heard the song, you might find it hard to understand how the tune posses people to stop their current activities and force them to start wilding dancing about the room. Friends, I was easy prey.
As I flail about, I glance out the window to find the gardner, THE GARDNER, standing outside with his weed whacker, John Deer hat and massive head phones staring straight at me. Yep, I just died a little. And I couldn't help think about Annalise's recent adventures in streaking.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
How to Pick Berries of Blue:
Step 1. Find fun friend who enjoys thrusting head into bushes. Encourage such behavior.
Step 2. Fill fun bucket with berries found in bush.
Steps 3. 4. 5. & 6. Pick up berry found in bucket and in veeery slow motion place berry between gargantuan teeth.
Step 7. Make ridiculous face whilst chewing.
Thus completes lesson one of berry pickin' Enjoy!
Step 2. Fill fun bucket with berries found in bush.
Steps 3. 4. 5. & 6. Pick up berry found in bucket and in veeery slow motion place berry between gargantuan teeth.
Step 7. Make ridiculous face whilst chewing.
Thus completes lesson one of berry pickin' Enjoy!
Friday, August 08, 2008
Wipeout!
I usually hate reality TV, but I absolutely LOVE this show... probably has something to do with the hosts and the genius use of sound effects. My favorite contestant: Margie Stubbs (around 3:48). I know I'm horrible, but I couldn't stop laughing
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