On the third day of Christmas...

Wait a sec.  I'm a bit behind on my celebrations.  

I'm grateful for:

1. Driving my own car to Outreach Clinic today.  There's something to be said about alone time in the car that just clears the mind

2. Washing my car after work

3. Kristi's wonderful gift that came in the mail!  A wonderful book and a lovely cashmere scarf (I believe that's the first cashmere scarf I've ever owned)

Exercise: I MISSED IT!  Went to bed too late, slept straight through the alarm, and now I have to start with Day 1 over again.  I'm half tempted to sleep in my gym clothes.  Actually, that's a brilliant idea.  Excuse me while I change.

A turtle's start

"A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." -Eleanor Roosevelt

It's kind of shocking to me to see how I can be soooo motivated one day, and then the next it's like pulling teeth to complete the basic tasks of the day.  Fighting the good fight with this natural man of mine.

I'm grateful for:
a. tidying up my study and bedroom
b. taking down the decorations and putting them neatly away
c. reading through my old journals for inspiration

Exercise: walking along the canyon this evening

Random Act of Kindness: wrote thank you notes just because

I'm alive, ALIVE!

You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted. -Ruth E. Renkl


Well hello my friends :)  so I'm sure you've noticed I haven't updated my blog in about 2 weeks.  That was entirely on purpose and by choice.  I was curious if these past few months have actually made a difference in my attitude and outlook.  And I really wanted to see what would happen if I stopped.

My friend, I have discovered that it actually works.  It actually, honest and for truly works.  I learned that when I wasn't actively looking for the positive in my life, it was all too easy to slip right back into letting the negative influence my mood for the worse.  I tried out no exercise for about a week up until I couldn't take it and had to expend the energy or go stir crazy.  And when I didn't actively look to perform that random act of kindness, the center of my thoughts turned inward to settle right down on all my so called problems of life.

These points make a difference for the better.

And so with that, I will start this up again, committing again to complete my three points of gratitude, which I have already successfully done in the past.  My new commitment is to #3, that of exercise on a daily basis.  And the cherry on top, the one I can do if I choose to do it, is random act of kindness

Drum roll please....

#1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Kelly, the stylist that as prompt in scheduling an appointment with me and did a great job on my hair
b.  Aaron and Denise at the Salt Lake REI that helped me find a great pair of boots and gave me many o' tips on ski wear
c. My experience in the temple tonight,

#3. Exercise:  Walking (this will be better and more specific as the days go on)

#5.  Random Act of Kindness:  I helped the sister sitting next to me with putting on her shoes as she is 32 weeks pregnant and can't bend that way

3b

1. I'm grateful for:

a. Rachel joining me for the ward Christmas party tonight

b. getting asked to dance for each and every slow song

c. having a decent paced load at work today!

5. Random Act of Kindness: helping someone pick up trash when her table full of stuff fell

day 2b

1. I'm grateful for:
a. Jess joining me downstairs just to chat today
b. Charity inviting me over for chicken curry dinner
c. a hilarious talk with Rachel over the phone.  So entertaining :)

5. Random Act of Kindness: Saw a patient and finished a note which I didn't have to do

Day 1b

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. Leem, the EP fellow who has such a positive spirit
b. Stacey, for her patience
c.  For getting Dr. A to genuinely laugh once during a patient encounter.  I have now found my future challenge... to get him to genuinely smile each day

2.  In the bathroom this morning I ran into a colleague, a resident whom I met last Friday.  The initial exchange lacked that human touch, so it left me wanting to connect a bit better.  So this morning I asked her name again, and we chatted for a few minutes about this and that and then we settled on the topic of her name.  She's from India, and her name in her native language means rose.  Not a family name, but a beautiful one nonetheless.  For some reason this interaction had so much more connection than the first, even though it was but a few moments.  I'm realizing that when I take the time to add that personal touch, it makes all the difference.  And that, my friend, was my meaningful moment of the day.

3.  Exercise: sadly, work went a hour over, and so my little gym was closed.  I really need to work out in the mornings, but that means 5 am wake up time :(

4. Meditation: prayer over meals as well as nighttime prayer today

5. Random Act of Kindness: I fed coworkers, but!  I've used that in the past, so I'm gonna go with holding the ridiculously heavy door open for a fellow hall walker.  I know it's small, but it's a start!

21a

1. I'm grateful for:
a. blow dryers
b.  the strength of an individual to stand up for what's right
c.  having my Tuesdays and Thursdays charting days

2.  So the hot water went out in my house, and boy is it cold!  I texted the landlord, but didn't hear back from him.  And I just got done with my workout, so I was in dire need of a shower.  So I realized I could either mope about and think wooo is me, or I could get to work.  Guess what I chose? :)  Two boiling pots later, I had enough to dilute the cold water to a luke warm bath.  I vigorously scrubbed, as that kept me warmer, and then blow dried the hair, which brought me up to regular temp.  ANd now I'm plotting for tomorrow... they have a shower at work, so I've got my plans set.

3. Exercise: Jillian Michael's Shred video

4. Meditation: prayer

5. Random Act of Kindness: gave food to a coworker, he looked hungry


So tomorrow is the start of my new 21 day challenge!! and I choose #5 to work on every day, more creative, more meaningful :)  Random Acts of kindness, here I come!

20a

I'm grateful for:
a. All of the conversations that came from updating an address book
b. the first day of outreach clinic going so well
c. Jason, a friend of mine, teaching me a trick to communicate effectively with men

2. memorable moment: realizing that my attending is a respectful man, and that I can see has opened up my ability to express myself and learn.

3. Exercise: just a few flights of stairs, this will be my next goal for the next 21 days

4. Meditation: miss

5. Random Act of Kindness: tried to feed my attending to no avail

19a

I'm grateful for:
a. Jason, Shaline, Rachel, and Steven joining me for a wonderful evening at the Christmas devotional and for hot chocolate and cookies after :)
b. spending time with my brother and our extended family for Emma's blessing
c.  getting my meals cooked for the week

2.  Memorable moment today was when Tristan played chase with me and only me.  Muahaha!  I'm the Aunt that has won him over with silly faces and running around like a fool

3.  Exercise:  miss!

4. Meditation: prayer

5. Random Act of Kindness: I moved over whilst driving on the highway so that the person in a rush could get on by, rather than slowing to 5 under and giving them the stink eye.

18a

"There is no passion to be found in playing small -- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living"  -Nelson Mandela


1. I'm grateful for:
a. Sleeping in until 722 am this morning.  How the body knows to reprogram itself!
b. for Russ, the employee of Auto Zone, who helped me walk through the steps of changing wiper blades
c. for making butternut squash and storing a week's worth in the freezer for future lunches.  One more step to healthy :)

2.  Today's memorable moment was when Greg (twin brother), Lisa, Tristan, and Emma were sealed together in the LDS temple.  We believe that families have the potential of becoming eternal.  I don't know much about the afterlife, but I do know that family ties extend beyond the grave.  Greg hardly ever shows emotion, and while he was kneeling across the alter from Lisa and Emma, he was staring into this little girl's eyes and realizing that she was becoming his little girl.  Forever.  I could see my brother growing in that moment.  Oh, how my heart loved him and her and his little family just a bit deeper today.

3. Exercise: tidying home, and wrapping Christmas gifts (can that count?)

4. Meditation:  in the temple

5. Random Act of Kindness:  I put poinsettias on the doorstep of all of my neighbors.  oh!  and I gave Russ a box of chocolates for helping me out

17a

I'm grateful for:
1.  learning a bit more about rugby
2.  My fellow PAs and NPs that totally rocked the house in working through the patients today
3.  A dear friend's mom being discharged from the hospital

2.  A fellow gave up his seat today during grand rounds so that I could sit and eat lunch.  very kind

3. Exercise: run

4.  Meditation: prayer

5  Random act of Kindness: took the toughest chart in the stack today

16a

1. I'm grateful for:
a.  having time to finish my notes
b.  Jess taking the time to give feedback on them
c.  free dinner with drug reps tonight

2.  Got asked out for the third time this week.  Here's to being the new girl on the block.

3.  Exercise: stairs again!

4. Meditation: miss

5.  Random Act of Kindness:  It seems I always have friends that need some TLC via the phone.  A good chat with a good friend

15a

“I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick.” 
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale


1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  My attending, Dr. A, being a willing teacher.  He knows his stuff, really really knows it.  And doesn't rush me.
b.  finding a water fountain at work that actually tastes good, and not like metal pipes
c.  driving in the snow without crashing

2.  Memorable moment of today.  Talking with a new a wise friend about the power of forgiveness.

3.  Exercise: stairs

4.  Meditation: on the bus ride home I tried to focus on the breath.  It's hard when you're being sloshed about!

5.  Random Act of Kindness:  Introducing members of the ward to each other

14a

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” 
― Abraham Lincoln

1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  not falling in the snow as I walked to the bus stop
b.  Feeling like I could create a decent note on the third week of work
c.  the cardiac rehab gym.  Seriously grateful I have a place to work out on cold days such as this

2.  Polly, one of the nurses that works on the pacemaker team, was totally kind and wanted to get to know me a bit more.  She's a biker as well, and offered to let me ride her husband's mountain bike during the winter months with her.  New biking partner AND finding a good fitting bike, can a girl ask for more!

3.  Exercise: 3 mile jog

4.  Meditation: prayer

5.  Random Act of Kindness: I could tell one of my colleagues was having a rough day, and sometimes you just need a pat on the back

13 a

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Brandy giving me The Fault in Our Stars, for it is a beautiful read, the kind that can make you literally laugh out loud on one page, and then let the tears go on the next.
b.  Angel's happy text this morning which I got on the bus
c.  feeling at ease with a patient today that I could laugh with them for a solid half of the interview

2.  I was with Will in clinic today, and we each saw about 3 patients a piece, not bad I say.  And I created a few notes with ease.  Will's a cool guy, super intelligent, willing teacher, and easy to chat with.

3.  Exercise: 2 miles jog, then stationary bike

4.  Meditation:  prayer, and Alma 1-2

5. Random Act of Kindness:  Giving someone the benefit of the doubt.  And a little love note to a friend

12a

"Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!"

Martin Luther King, I've Been To The Mountaintop speech, his last speech on the eve of his assassination





1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Marcie inviting me and the gals over for dinner, and for her support with my upcoming racing goals
b.  This four day weekend.  I enjoyed every minute of it.
c.  A good conversation with George about dating and life and the such

2.  I had a mini battle with myself this morning as to whether I wanted to go on a hike or to the first part of church. After getting all dressed in my hiking gear, I sat a moment and thought through my decision.  A conference talk from this past general conference came to mind, one where the mother asked the father and sons if they wanted to go on a drive instead of to church.  And that one decision made all the difference, for they never went back again.

I'm learning to recognize God's will, and then obeying swiftly.  So I knew my answer, and changed into my Sunday best and was grateful for making the right call.

3. Exercise: pass

4.  Meditation: prayer

5. Random Act of Kindness:  Invited Raeann over for dinner with the gals, she's a good gal.

11a

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


1.  I'm grateful for :
a.  Somer being my date tonight to the Utah Symphony
b.  Getting the laundry processed
c.  The wonderful sample lady at Wal-Mart who had closed her booth but was handing out coupons for chocolate, and took the extra step to offer me a piece without me asking, even though the shop was already packed up.

2. Tonight was the night that Jakob and I were to go to the Utah Symphony together for the Messiah Sing In.  He actually bought me the tickets for my birthday awhile back, and he hit the bulls-eye with the choice, for my father and I made it a tradition to go each year ever since I was a little girl.   I'm entirely grateful for Somer joining me on this little adventure.   It was a bit emotional, and I seriously struggled whether I should go or give the tickets to her to find a fella to bring.  I'm entirely grateful that I went.  We had a lovely date which included dinner at an Italian bistro, then headed over for the concert.  As it was about to start, my thoughts began to close me in a downward spiral thinking that the man who was so thoughtful to listen and give me this gift, the man who loved me deeply, and I cared for him... I chose not to continue on that path because I could see it wasn't the right fit at this time.  And as the doubts started to come in, Somer turned to me and with that genuine beaming smile, the one that fills your heart with a deep love and hope in what's to come... she knew just what to say to comfort me in those few moments.  I am so grateful for her.

And as an added bonus, members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir were scattered throughout the entire audience, decked out in their blue dresses and white tuxedos.  It's always been on the bucket list to sing with the MoTab, and that dream became a reality tonight.  I've never heard a better rendition of Handel's Messiah from the audience than I did this evening.  It was simply glorious.  And you could tell the conductor was lovin' every minute of it.

3.  Exercise: Can errands count?

4. Meditation: good prayer with Father, asking to comfort those that stand in need of comfort tonight.  Especially Jake. and Somer.

5.  Random Act of Kindness:  It was for me tonight.  I allowed myself to go, and to be happy that it happened.

10a

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” 
― E.E. Cummings


1.  I'm grateful for:
a. The man working at Home Depot that paused and smiled so kindly at me this early morning whilst there was a bit of craziness with the Black Friday shoppers
b.  Tristan's Love.  When he realized I was leaving after I stayed the night at my brother's place (I gave him a few top of the head kisses on the way out, he was a bit distracted from the TV with Curious George), he stood up and whined, and pointed to the door to get one extra kiss and "bye-bye" wave, to which I gratefully obliged
c.  The prompting to walk a little further than the grocery store, and my steps took me downtown to Temple Square, and as luck would have it, it was the tree lighting ceremony tonight.  Absolutely beautiful!  And such joy in the air.  When the lights came on, there was this audible gasp from the audience, followed by lit up faces and robust clapping

2.  I was a bit surprised to see this posted on one of my guy friend's Facebook wall: "A man with dreams needs a woman with vision.  Her perspective, faith, and support will challenge his reality.  If she doesn't challenge you, then she's no good for you.  Men who want to stay ordinary will tell you not to have expectations of them.  Men who want to be great will expect you to push them, pray with them and invest in them."  This was meaningful for me to see a man post this.

I think the same can be said of a woman.  I've thought about this, and attempt to see if I could mirror the woman in this case.  Here goes:

A woman of quality needs a man with integrity.  His perspective, faith and support will enlighten her reality.  If he doesn't inspire you, then he is no good for you.  Women who want to stay ordinary will not bring out the best in you.  Women who are of worth will expect you to protect them, provide for them, and  most importantly, preside with them side by side.


3.  Exercise: 3 miles

4. Meditation: good chat with the Lord whilst walking to and from Temple Square

5. Random Act of Kindness:  I unfortunately didn't prepare myself for this trip downtown, so I had nothing tangible to give to this  homeless man.  The best I could do was give him the biggest smile from my heart.

9a

1.  I'm grateful to be posting this via my phone. 3 points of gratitude include reading all of the responses on Facebook where people voiced what they were grateful for, my dear brother and his wife for taking me in on this Thanksgiving Day, and for the loved ones that called to let me know how much they care

2.  one memorable moment from tonight was when Tristan, my little nephew, & I gave a big hug to my brother. Tristan often has a habit I love wanting to do the same thing over and over again, and so we would go up to my brother and say " hug daddy" and give him a hug, and then look at each other and laugh and then give him a hug again, and then laugh.  he has this adorable mischievous grin, and he's so tiny, so he'd look at at me with these big eyes and smile and I could read that he was going to give greg another hug, in so Tristan would dive right in and hugged my brothers kneecaps and then pull away and look at me and then dive in again.

3. Exercise: free day

4. Meditation: prayer

5. random act of kindness, help sister tidy up Thanksgiving dinner and changed the baby

8a

"...as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee nor forsake thee." Joshua 1:5
As quoted by President Monson in his last conference talk


1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Teaching myself to see the value in all people, and for those who help me see the value in myself
b.  learning to communicate my feelings without reacting to a situation
c. the people in my life that look beyond their needs and serve others

2.  Rough night tonight.  I gave a gift to someone that responded in the exact opposite way that I imagined.  Instead of bringing joy to their lives, my gift brought pain.  And I felt terribly hurt by it.  This, I know, will take a considerable amount of time to heal for both parties.  But.  I have committed to choose joy.  And so I stand by my commitment to follow through with tonight's blog.  One meaningful experience tonight is the power that can come through prayer.  After the phone call, I was having a difficult time controlling my emotions, to the point that when I tried to get up to get a drink of water, I literally couldn't find the strength to stand.  I've never had that happen to me before.  And so my legs gave way, and I fought it for a few seconds trying to rise up, my arms trying to take the weight of a falling body.  I realized I was fighting a losing battle, and so gave in and crumpled on the floor. I knelt there beside my bed and prayed to feel loved.  And the sobbing subsided.

3.  Exercise: Last chance workout this early AM by Jillian Michaels

4. Meditation: time with the Lord tonight

5. Random Act of Kindness:  gave someone a hug at work today.  Two people, actually.  It brightened both our days.

7a

1.  I'm grateful for
a.  getting out of bed to do my gratitudes tonight
b.  Stacey, for clearing out her desk so I can have a place
c. water, water and more water.  on the treadmill tonight my bottle wouldn't fit, so I was restricted a bit in water consumption.  and boy do I love clean water

2.  Interaction with Kyle and Laura, the grad students in the cardiac rehab place.  Good people

3. Exercise: 3 miles on treadmill

4. Meditation: Deepak's Inspired Me, oh!  and I did do my meditation last night after I posted, so woo hoo!

5. Random Act of Kindness: check up on a friend that's going through a really rough patch

6a

1. I'm grateful for:
a. this kid
b. a wonderful chat with Raeann on the way home from FHE
c. Sara sitting down with me today and teaching me about the various imaging studies I can order on a patient
d.  the bus driver this AM was the same awesome guy from a week ago, not as bubbly today.  Probably a rough Monday.  Still it was nice to see him.  And the other bus driver entirely stopped to pick me up even though I was running late!

2.  A meaningful moment today was when I went to the cardaic rehab gym and started to actually clock my run.  I did a workout this AM (HIIT type of stuff with Jillian Michaels), so I'd like to use that as an excuse as to why I fatigued after only over a mile or so, but the way I see it is good baseline.  No where to go but up!  I jumped on the stationary bike, which is nothing like riding my road bike, but I quickly got in a few miles before I had to catch the bus.

3. Exercise: last chance workout in AM and 1 mile jog and 5 mile stationary bike in evening

4. Meditation:  tried to on the bus, sub par attempt

5. Random Act of Kindness: Phone call to a friend that needed some loving

5a

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

1. I'm grateful for:
a. Tom making dinner tonight and having a mini game night
b. Courtney, the gal I sat by today during sacrament meeting, and how we chatted it up about chemistry
c. making my lunch for tomorrow, healthy style.

2.  It was a moving talk today during sacrament meeting, a gentleman with CP spoke today about hope, about mistakes.  He quoted Ether 12:27 :

 " 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if" they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

He spoke of how his CP was a gift, in that it was the crinkled wrapping paper on the outside, of a present, but once unwrapped, the gift inside.  A man with incredible perspective.

3.  Exercise: miss

4.  Meditation: miss (aside from prayer each day)

5. Random Act of Kindness: I could see a friend needed a bit of a talk, and so I sat by him an listened

Day 4a

So I'm gonna keep up with writing the 5, but I'm not gonna feel guilty if I miss one EXCEPT the number that I'm committing to do on a consistent basis.  And the winner is #1!  I agree for the next 21 days that I will consistently find 3 things/people/places/etc. I'm grateful for over the last 24 hours, I'll be specific and not repeat myself.


1. I'm grateful for:
a.  the girls I babysat today being so well behaved, Karina helped out hugely!
b. making ants on a log with the girls, and I almost convinced one of them to eat celery.  so close :)
c. having the house stocked with food because it was entirely too cold to go outside for grocery shopping

2.  I loved watching my Uncle Enos's and Aunt Deanne's foster children, Misses Karina, Liliana, and Yareli today.  There was a moment when we were watching trailers on my little computer for Rise of the Guardians.  The plot of the movie is based on these Guardians (Sandman, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, Jack Frost) whose role is to protect the children of the world, and as long as the children believe in them, they will guard them with their lives.  It hit home as I sat there with these wonderful girls nestled next to me that that is who we are.  My Aunt and Uncle, my family, myself.  We are the guardians of these innocent children. The punch line at the end was "Everyone needs a Guardian," and I couldn't help but selfishly think, "Well who's mine?" And it was answered as quickly as it was asked, "Your ancestors watch over you, my Jackie."  And they do.  I know they do.

3.  Exercise: Just Dance with the girls

4. Meditation: missed it

5. Act of Kindness: tended the three little girls

Rules of the Game

"Common sense is not common action... information alone does not cause transformation"  -Shawn Anchor


I found a little longer talk by Shawn Anchor when he spoke at the MS Foundation meeting.  He was more specific in his instructions, including when you start this change, choose only ONE of the five and consistently do it daily for 21 days

1. Gratitude: write or voice 3 new things you’re grateful for over the past 24 hours, rules: never repeat them and you must be specific 

2. Journal about one meaningful experience, every detail that you can remember, that occured over the past 24 hours.  It allows your brain to relive it.  

3. Exercise in the morning before work: it teaches your brain that your behavior matters, it trains your brain to recognize that if your behavior matters in this area of your life, it may matter in other realms of your life. The minimum is exercise of 10 minutes a day cardio, research showed it had a 30 % drop in relapse rate of depression.

4. Meditation: doesn't have to be Christian or Buddhist, but it should be performed  for at least 2 minutes a day.  It trains your brain to only focus on one thing alone, that of your breath.  Watch your breath go in and out for a full 2 minutes.  It undoes the multitasking, and your stress level decreases.

5. Conscious acts of kindness: Complete a 2 minute phone call or email praising or thanking someone in your social support network.  This is the greatest predictor of happiness during a time of challenge/stress.  This is the usually the very first thing that we abandon in those times of stress, but it is the most important to keep intact when those storms come.  

Day 3a

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

1. I'm grateful for:

a. having a brain that can learn incredibly difficult cardiology concepts 

b. having the determination to study these topics

c. having the discipline to review it again and again until I know it by heart ;)

2.  It's interesting, these meditation exercises I'm doing.  Today's exercise was on the centering thought, "My heart knows the answer."  Deepka started with asking the question, "What do I want?  What is my deepest, most heartfelt desire?"  The first two thoughts were, slightly embarrassing to admit, sex and chocolate.  He pointed out that the initial responses originating from my mind and ego may quickly focus on the surface, possibly material, things of life.  He then encouraged me to move from the mind to the heart.  

Deepka: "Perhaps when asked from the heart, you're guided to the place within that seeks to strengthen your connection with nature or longs to find a place of quite and solitude.  If a motorcycle was on your wish list, you may now be connected to the place in your heart that is craving a sense of freedom.  So let's ask the question again, moving just a little closer to discovering what we really want."  Following the instructions, I focused my attention on my breath and placed my hand over my heart.  Letting go, and asking myself again, "What do I want? What is my deepest most heartfelt desire", listening carefully, it was clear and obvious.  

I want to be a mother.  Deeply and wholly. 

I want to hold a baby, my baby on my chest and sing her a lullaby.  I want the diapers, and nap times, and trips to the museum, and teaching him to dance, and the three o'clock meltdowns, and kite flying, and getting her ready for daddy-daughter dates, and picking up the same books & toys for the gazillionth time, and cupcake making at grandpa and grandma's house, and tantrums in the grocery aisle, and seeing him ride around on his father's shoulders, and hugs & kisses, bedtime stories, cuddle time with the whole family. I want the whirlwind of wild and wonderful memories that come with making and being a family.  That is what I really want.  

And so, I re-evaluate my initial responses.  Sex and chocolate.  It's funny to think that the initial desire for intimacy can result in my deeper desire of pregnancy, but I am realizing now that to reach that goal, I have yet to reach the standards and boundaries I've set for myself.  I want to have a normal BMI before I conceive, and though I am close, there are still a few months and a few hundred miles on the treadmill in between here and now.  As crucial as it is at being at a prime point of physical health, I also am in need of a companion that can be my complementary counterpart.  Marriage is not just about love, intimacy, and finding a compatible husband; it is about sacrifice for children. I have worked with countless women, read study after study, heard a plethora of stories of fatherless children raised by husband-less mothers.  Folks, as much as I can appreciate single parent homes, I know it makes a negative impact on the children when both parties are not represented in parents.  I believe rearing children is best done with the influence of a father and a mother in a safe and loving environment.  As much as I want a child, I recognize that it is likely the most selfish act I could choose to have one out of wedlock.

And so I wait. And work at what I know I need to.  And open the patched up heart once again.  And above all, keep the faith.

3.  Exercise:  Stairs

4. Meditation: Deepka Chopra What Do You Really Want? 

5.  Random Act of Kindness: Made banana nut muffins for a friend

Day 2a

1. I'm grateful for:
a. sleep
b. space heaters
c. people who take the initiative to introduce themselves first

2. Such trouble sleeping this morning.  But!  I decided to choose to have a positive attitude and a cheerful attitude the entire day.

3.  Exercise:  stairs, stairs and more stairs

4. Meditation: Deepak Chopra Fearless Me Meditation

5.  Random Act of Kindness: Volunteered at the special needs mutual tonight

Day 1a

“The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.” 
― Ayn Rand


I dunno know, I like the concept of starting anew, of rebirth.  Thus, 1a (day 22).

I'm grateful for:
a. William, the other inpatient PA, teaching me a few ropes of cardiac ablation
b. The conversation with Janis, a woman of another faith, about deity and direction
c. A warm welcome from Dr. R.  During the interview, I was sure he disliked me because of his disengagement and scanty eye contact.  I've decided he must have been uber busy that day, and his preoccupation was because of work rather than anything I did.

2.  I walked out of the office at 501 pm and caught the bus at 503!  I may have been sprinting through the halls, but, boy, when I saw that "11" glowing from the placard of the bus, my heart jumped knowing that I wouldn't have to wait 30 minutes for the next one.

3. Exercise: Jillian Michaels Last Chance Workout

4.  Medication: Deepak Chopra Resilience Meditation, made it through 15 minutes of the 20 minute program before opening my eyes.  Must. get. better.

5.  Helped Alex finish his charts by updating meds and vital signs

Day 21

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. working for a group that has a good sense of humor (the "big" story)
b. The happy bus driver on Route 6 who said "The day is what you make of it"
c. Alex, fellow PA, showing me the ropes of inpatient cardiac EP

2.  Today is day 21 of my positive psychology blog.  Don't you worry, I plan to keep on keepin' on.  BUT! I can say that I'm at a better spot today than merely 3 weeks ago.  And I wonder how I'll do if I keep it up, and actually implement all 5 points on a consistent basis, rather than struggling to fill in one of the blanks at the end of the day.  This job will be good for me.  I need to invest the work into learning it, and the blessed things is that I really want to.  The U of U School of Medicine seems to take care of their employees.  And so I'd like to "pay it forward" so to speak.

3. Exercise:  Jillian Michaels DVD- last chance workout

4. Meditation exercise on the bus ride home

5. Random Act of Kindness:  shared my snack with my colleague

Day 20

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. The Office clip they showed at orientation today where Dwight tested his colleagues on a fire drill by making an actual fire
b. when the sun spills through the windows and warms the skin
c. a good laugh when one the fellas at FHE said that this grandma was "running" to the door.  you could see just the very top of her head, donned in a pink cap, slowly inching through the kitchen to the entry way

2.  So today was new employee orientation, and can I just say I feel thoroughly enlightened from what I've learned.  You may think there's a hint of sarcasm in that sentence, having sat through basically the same power points I've seen time and again at various health care organizations, BUT I totally learned something new today.  Did you know that a miniature pony is considered by the ADA as a certified service animal?  No joke.  It was just perfect.  The presenter asked the question if anyone knew the other animal other than a dog, and then clicked on the next slide to reveal this stout chunky little horse rigged up like a service dog.  I kid you not, I googled that crap, and yes.  Meet Mini Ed.  It has sneakers, folks.  Actual converse kicks.

3.  Exercise: get out of bed, Jackie!

4.  Meditation: prayer

5.  Random Act of Kindness: visited the widows tonight for FHE

Day 19

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

1. I'm grateful for:
a.  so many loved ones come to visit tonight
b. sacrament
c. exceptional conversation

2.  I love people. I realized that tonight, I love to love people.  Make them feel loved, help them to recognize their potential.  Talk with them, laugh with them.  I had an open house tonight, and so many people from all walks of my life came.  From The Madsen family from when I was a beehive in Plano, to friends from BYU and Drexel, to my family (Lorri and Lisa came! LOVED having them), to my dear friends Cyle and Athena and little King from Killeen, to friends from Lehi, and the 2 MSA wards up here.  What a wonderful night!

3. Exercise: can preparing for a party count?

4. Meditation: Prayer day and night

5. Random Act of Kindness: inviting and including all people to come

Day 18

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” 
― Dr. Seuss


1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  Rachel helping me do what I needed to do on day one
b. sweet friends that do a drive by porch drop off of treats
c. talking with Cerrah, my dearest cousin whom I see once in a blue moon, at Jordan's baby shower
d. (500) Days of Summer

2.  Pure moment of joy today printmaking at the University of Utah Museum of Fine Arts with Rachel V.  That girl can bring a smile to my face with her funny little quips.  We met incredible folks: Miss Rosie, the 4 year old with her father creating a volcano; Joe and his gal, I think Becky, and their 5 little guys.  Joe's got some major skills with printmaking, brilliant cow.  And Rachel with her boat, and I with my Fibonacci squares meets nature.  Loved every minute of it.  :)

3. Exercise: sleep escaped me this morning.  It was a no go today.

4. Meditation: in museum today

5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped a woman with her groceries

Day 17

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 
― Shel Silverstein


1. I'm grateful for:
a. such a wonderful first day at work
b. Jess, my new a fabulous co-worker showing me the ropes
c. Exquisite photos of nearly extinct tribes

2.  I seriously thought that the first day of work they were gonna pimp me on cardiology info, but such was not the case.  I had a wonderful lunch with my new coworkers, great people.  I really feel like I'll fit in nicely.  I am so blessed in life :)

3. Exercise: over 1.5 mile run

4. Meditation: before work

5. Random Act of Kindness: a little love note to a friend

Day 16

"...Bend to the dust that head "unbowed,"
Small part of Life's great whole!
And see in him, and him alone,
The Captain of thy soul."

-Excerpt from The Soul's Captain

1.  I'm grateful for:
a.  the incredible Rachel inviting me to the Special Needs Mutual
b. having the corner sealing room all to myself in the temple to pray
c. having a perfectly functioning body to be able to walk to the temple

2. Today Rachel V. invited me to join her while she fulfilled her calling as a leader for the specials needs group of the region.  The folks in charge of this thing are absolutely brilliant!  In the summer these girls couldn't go to girl's camp because of poor turn out, so instead the volunteers organized a night of "camping" indoors.  They had a pseudo-fire pit with red, yellow and orange streamers with white Christmas lights and a fan blowing underneath, all bordered by real firewood to make it look like a real fire.  They had a tipi, and two camping tents set up with lanterns and sleeping bags on the floor.  They had a craft of painting birhouses, then sing-a-long with camp songs, followed by a sister giving a lesson on individual worth.  It ended with somore like treats and a wonderful feeling in the room.  It was amazing night!

3. Exercise: 1.5 mile walk to the Salt Lake Temple

4. Meditation: Endowment session at temple

5. Random Act of Kindness: I always hate walking by a homeless person when I have nothing to give, since I set a boundary for myself that all monetary donations I would give to help them would be through a charity.  Nonetheless, I still feel like I can do more.  There are always a few standing right outside Temple Square, and this time I was prepared!  I gave her my snack that I packed, an apple and a cheese stick.

Day 15

"I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee..." -God

1.  I'm grateful for:
a. Marcie always thinking of others.  She organized a dinner to celebrate my first day on Friday
b. Lunch with my cousin Becky.  Seriously excellent conversation
c. Dancing with a strong enough fella to pick me up and dip me comfortably

2.  I love my sister-in-law, Lisa.  She let me vent on the phone today for a solid 15 minutes while the babies were jabbering away in the background.  And she gives validation when it's needed, and totally calls me on my crap when it's time for that as well.

3. Exercise: Country swing dancing at the Westerner

4. Meditation:  President Monson's general conference address

5. Random Act of Kindness:  Saw an older fella in the corner and could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable on the dance floor, so I went over, asked him to dance, and spent the next few songs teaching him the basics of two step.  He was just beaming by the end of it.  Made me happy to help someone else feel a bit of joy.

Day 14

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”  -Samuel Beckett

1.  I'm grateful for: 
a. Mary sharing her talk about failure and perfectionism
b. Ann Lewis volunteering her time and energy to teach me family history
c. hugs that can be given via people I love

2.  Read my friend Mary's article about failure and perfectionism.  One quote I loved from the article: "True repentance is about transformation, not torture or torment. Yes, heartfelt regret and true remorse for disobedience are often painful and very important steps in the sacred process of repentance. But when guilt leads to self-loathing or prevents us from rising up again, it is impeding rather than promoting our repentance.”  President Utchdorf

3. Exercise: ran 3 miles

4. Meditation: Prayer while driving from from Orem to SLC

5. Random Act of Kindness: helped a lady and her kids find toothpicks in the store

Day 13

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy."   -Rabindranath Tagore


1. I'm grateful for:
   a. my friends in the armed forces that keep us protected.  This is the land of the free because of these brave
   b. fishing with Justin, new friend from the ward
   c. Rachel calling to get me out of the house and to the Veteran's Day Concert

2.  One of my dear friends up here, who is currently serving in the National Guard, shared a hilarious story tonight about while she was deployed.  She was staying with a group of gals in the Air Force, and safety was a top priority for these women.  Well, the gals gave my friend a rape whistle in case anyone tried to attack her.  Now mind you, my friend carried a LOADED weapon with her at all times during deployment.  I'm gonna take a wild guess, but the first she she'd likely reach for if she was getting attacked may not be that whistle.

3. Exercise: stairs and hills

4. Meditation: a nap, can that count?

5. Random Act of Kindness: brought the trash cans up from the curb for my neighbor

Day 12

1. I'm grateful for:
    a. Sunday naps
    b. learning about bee keeping from Richard
    c. make-up remover towelettes

2.  Just spent the evening with Brother and Sister Bevan and a few folks from the MSA ward.  It was a feast, an early Thanksgiving filled with delectable morsels of deliciousness.  We played a super fun game and had great conversation with Annette, Richard, Richard, Mike, Katie, Sumer, Denise, Becky, and of course the Bevans.  What good people!

3. Exercise: walked 3 miles, to and from the MoTab Veteran's Concert

4.  Meditation: Tai chi basics

5. Random Act of Kindness:  love note on friend's facebook

Day 11

1. I'm grateful for
    a.  Aunt Beth, Uncle Tom, Jeff and Becky coming to visit my new place and for treating me to Market Street Grill for lunch.  Delicious food and excellent conversation.
    b.  being able to pray at any time of the day or night
    c.  long hot showers

2.  So during lunch today I was talking to Beth and Tom about how they first met and all those relationship questions, and I had a brief thought, "You know what, Jackie, it'll all work out."  I've honestly struggled daily missing Jakob (one of my girlfriends described it best that in a break-up you don't just lose a boyfriend, but also your best friend), but I keep reminding myself "have a bit of faith that it'll work out."  The Lord has helped with my move, with finding a job, and a perfect place to stay.  He'll help me with my future spouse.  Just like a race, I need to put in the work now to be the right person, because I know that the right person for me is devoting the time and effort to become that best self that he can be.

3. Exercise: Hike with Charity and Deborah

4. Meditation: Today I prayed more than I have in a long while

5. Random Act of Kindness: Helped with lost and found keys

Day 10

1.  I'm grateful for:

    a.  Rachel and Marcie inviting me to their ward auction tonight

    b.  Athena bringing Kingston over and having a wonderful chat 

    c.  Charity showing me around the hospital

2. So I have a dear friend that is going through some of the same things I've recently experienced.  I chatted with him a few times today, and it was comforting to know that I could provide some guidance and love to help him take the next steps into the dark.  I think that's a huge reason why we go through what we go through.  What better way to be a source of comfort for someone than to experience it first hand.  

3. Exercise:  I am realizing a trend.  When I wake up late, the exercise suffers!

4.  Meditation: Did you know prayer is considered  a form of meditation.  I do that a gazillion times a day!   It's like He's on speed dial in my heart.  

5. Random Act of Kindness: Sent a little love to a friend via another friend

Day 9

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. 

    Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”   - Gordon B. Hinckley

1.  I'm grateful for:
   a.  Charity helping me move a box spring to brother's place.
   b.  Aunt Lorri forgiving me for completely spacing our sewing date
   c.  My new friend Jared letting Charity and I borrow his truck for said move

2.  It's been mixed emotions today.  A battle between doubt and faith, and if I'm honest, I'm struggling a bit with the hopes of my heart and the reality that is today.  Having said that, there were many moments today where I had happiness.  One goes as follows: I was baking cookies and I was short an egg.  What better time to meet the neighbors... I stroll over two doors down where it looks like someone might be home and met two wonderful women, Ana and Heather, and their two dogs Lexi and Niki.  Lovely people, welcoming, kind, Ana is a retired ICU nurse and plays the piano and invited me over for duets.  Heather is hilarious, and shared a story of how one time while visiting Dallas she stayed in a hotel in a blue zone, where she couldn't buy a drink; she had to travel all the way to the red zone to find that elusive beer.  Made me laugh.  I'm excited to learn more of the friends on the block.

3. Exercise: a walk

4. Meditation: Ordinances in the Salt Lake Temple

5. Random Act of Kindness:  While exiting the temple, there was a man with anti-Mormon literature and was rather loud at voicing his opinion.  Another man called back to him somewhat mockingly, which only exacerbated the situation.  I chose to say, with all the love and kindness I know how, a simple "Have a good night," with a deep kind of smile that comes from the heart.  I could see it softened him in his eyes, even if it was for just a brief moment, and I realized that he was a man that just needed to be loved.

Day 8

"True happiness involves the pursuit of worthy goals.  Without dreams, without risks, only a trivial semblance of living can be achieved".  Dan Buettner

1.  I'm grateful for:
     a.  the pure entertainment that can be found at community council meetings
     b.  finally jumping through all the hoops to get into the MSA ward
     c.  tying up loose ends from Texas

2.  So I went to a city council meeting tonight for the Greater Avenues area.  Something about civic duty mixed with curiosity prompted me to walk through those doors, and I came home feeling like I hit a gold mine of stories.  Unique characters with seriously intriguing personalities will be the highlight of future posts.  Tonight one borderline elderly woman spent a solid 5-10 minutes discussing a "traffic jam" in our little residential area at "rush hour" due to a maintenance truck taking up a lane.  She said she couldn't locate the workers, for all she knew they were "out to lunch" (said in a very stern, concerned voice with furrowed brow and all).  This perturbed her enough to call the city and file a formal complaint.  Flash backs of rush hour Dallas, or Philly or, oh gosh, miserable LA driving came to my mind.  But!  I wholeheartedly admit that it is because of these kinds of people that the community keeps functioning at a high standard.  So, thank you, my new friend, for spending your retirement years on hold listening to seriously crappy music.

3.  Exercise: house cleaning and cooking of meals for the next two weeks

4.  Meditation: UCLA has a Mindful Awareness Research Center with free guided meditations.  Sweet!  I started with the first breathing meditation.

5.  Random Act of Kindness: A little hello to a friend from the Dallas area

Day 7

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls." Mother Theresa


1.I'm grateful for:
   a.  gas being below $3 at Sams!
   b. getting my food storage squared away
   c. my mom giving me tips on saving

2. I went dancing at the Murray Arts Center entirely solo last night, and it turned out to be so much fun!  There was an older gentleman there, Tom, that came without a partner as well, and we coupled up nicely.  Good lead, quite handsome even for having a few years on him.  I forgot how much I love to west coast swing.  There's something so smooth and sexy about it, without it crossing the line of impropriety.

3. Exercise: Dancing the night away :)

4. Meditation: video during day, learned about controlling the internal thoughts even with external stress

5. Random Act of Service: helping out a few folks on the dance floor

Day 6

"Joy is the serious business of heaven." C.S. Lewis


1. I'm grateful for:
    a.  My family at the adoption (Aunt Beth, brother, Lisa, Lisa's family)
    b.  Dancing around Ikea with Aunt Lorri
    c.  Rachel cheering me on like a mad woman during dodge ball

2. Today was a big occasion for our family because my brother, Greg, and his wife, Lisa, officially adopted their little girl, Emma.  All around it was filled with nuggets of happiness that will brighten the darkest of days.  One in particular was when I played with my little nephew, Tristan, while the court proceedings were going on.

So, Tristan was in the court room, running back and forth between the tiny gate that acts as a barrier between the audience and the participants of the court.  My poor brother was trying his darndest to keep him still, but that boy was born with an adventuresome spirit like mine.  So brother first picked him up and handed Tristan to his grandpa.  He, of course, wriggled his way out of that hold, came right back, and brother next handed him to grandma, to which he was better for a bit.  But still the little man is born with Houdini blood, and found his way out of her arms and back across the gate.  The third time brother handed the ninja munchkin to me, to which grandma gave me some solid weaponry.  Fruit snacks.  Glorious fruit snacks.

Oh, how I love thee, dearest fruit snacks.

  I'd usually just give him the pouch, but I knew he'd run right back with it to his dad (my brother).  So I sat there taking the fruit snacks, one by one, and slowly feeding it to him airplane style.  Except the poor pilot of the fruit snack plane unfortunately dabbled with the fermented grapes and kept missing Tristan's mouth.  Tristan would grasp at my arm and try to guide the scrumptious morsel in the right direction, but just as it came in for the landing, I'd shimmy the snack onto his cheek. or nose. or next door neighbor.   Each fruit snack bought me about 15 seconds of him sitting relatively still.  Granted, Tristan is a quick study, for he'd bob and weave to catch 'em.  And, boy, does that little guy have teeth.  Ouch! We made it through two pouches before he had enough of that game, but those few minutes I will forever love.

3. Exercise: dodge ball (I really can't count this one, I'll do better tomorrow)

4.  Meditation before bed tonight

5. Random Act of kindness: brought muffins for brother and family to eat for breakfast, Tristan was the only one who could eat something that sweet so early in the day

Day 5

"Happiness, not in another place, but this place... not in another hour, but this hour." Walt Whitman


1.  I'm grateful for:
     a. the beauty that exists with the change of the season
     b. actually having a purposeful fast for Fast Sunday
     c. friends that invite me to sit by them at church

2.  So my positive experience of the day could seriously last me all week.  It was that good.  Two of my dearest friends from Salt Lake came over for dinner, the darling Rachel and Marcie.  I love it when we get together because it's like one huge bucket fest of love.  You know those folks in life that you trust enough to share your struggles, your successes... your worries and fears and fun times and all that makes us who we are.  That's them.  And we love each other not in spite, but because of our imperfections.  We are, as one friend described her daughter, perfectly imperfect.  Tonight we left with challenges to each other; mine are to make a portrait of how Christ sees me, and the other is to work on an improved image of self.  That always could use a bit of polishing up, so... challenge accepted. ;)

3. Exercise: 3 mile walk through the memorial monuments and mountains

4.  Meditation: I have so much to learn in this field... seriously not my strong point.  But I can feel it's a undiscovered gem. What better way than to go to a well renowned source.  Matthieu Richard is Buddhist monk who started as a French molecular biologist and "found my way to the mountains."  It might be a bit tough to understand his French accent at first, but he has some spot on pointers to improve meditation.

5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a little love note to my mother

Day 4

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


1. I'm grateful for:
    a. My new friends Julie, Lisa, and Emily taking me fly fishing!
    b. glorious days where the weather is just perfect, nature is showing off its splendorus beauty, and life is filled with wonderful people
    c. always needed chat with Elana and George

2.  Loved every bit of today.  Julie taught me the basics of fly fishing (casting, terminology, etc), Emily rocked it by getting a few bites and she totally shared her delicious homemade grape leather. And Lisa kept me steady whilst I crossed the torrential water (k so it was a simple stream, but those are some slippery rocks).  I was in the water today, working on my throw, when something just clicked.  It was amazing when I stopped over-thinking it, stopped worrying that I'd hit one of the girls with the hook and I just let go, that I found myself in a zone.  Kind of like what I've felt during long bike rides or runs.  Except this time I was wading in water, hearing the breeze rustle through the grass, feeling the float line slide through my fingers as the line reeled out and pulling it back in over and over, drinking deeply of the beauty that surrounded me.  It was a perfect moment.  I didn't catch a single fish, but that really didn't matter because I found so, so much more.  For, I found a place of peace.

3. Exercise: can fly fishing count as exercise? ;)

4. Meditation video about breathing today

5.  Help my new friend Jen M. figure out a few specifics about a chicken coop

Day 3

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy "2 Nephi 2:25


Grateful for:

   a. an awesome bishop

   b. James, the checkout guy at the Wal-Mart fish license section

   c. Emma's smile (soon to be my little niece... adoption pending)

So tonight was my new MSA ward's Thanks for Giving dinner.  Delicious!  I met seriously awesome gals, a few which invited me to go fly fishing tomorrow (woot woot!).  I think the part I loved most was actually at the very end when I was heading out the door and sat a moment to chat with the cashier, Diane.  The silent auction bidding closed while we were in the midst of conversation, and there was this massive rush to the check out line.  Seeing that overwhelmed look on her face, I jumped right in and started processing people's orders, and we got through that line in no time.  It felt so good to pitch in and meet a few friendly folks along the way.

Exercise: Last Chance Workout DVD 30 min

Meditation: Endowment in the Timpanogos Temple today

Random Act of Kindness: see above story as a makeshift assistant cashier

Day 2

"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself."  -Benjamin Franklin


1. I'm grateful for:
    a. my Aunt being so flexible with my schedule
    b. friends that support me with my marathon training schedule
    c. a ridiculously adorable nephew and family in Halloween costumes

2.  I watched a documentary today about happiness, something I've absolutely loved studying since I discovered the field of positive psychology.  Working in a military town for the past few years, I dealt heavily with psychological disorders. I consistently sought better ways to help my patients empower themselves to live a healthier, happier life.  Wanting to test out the theories and tools from my research, I was my first test subject.  Yep, I would have totally been that guy that discovered H. pylori caused stomach ulcers by drinking a full glass of the nasty bacteria.  So I implemented the recommendations including balancing my life/work schedule, investing/building my social relationships, exercising consistently, keeping a journal, and developing a more meaningful relationship with my Heavenly Father (it's so funny to see the variety of labels the scholarly authors put on God... Spiritual Being, Higher Power, etc. Call Him what you will, He exists).  It is an understatement to say that these changes empowered me not only in my practice, but my personal life.  There's something to be said about looking a patient square in the eyes and solidly testifying that these techniques actually work.  I will forever be deeply grateful for those years of my life.

3. Exercise: Wii Fitness (Just Dance) for 30 min, trick or treating (counterproductive, no?) ;)

4. Meditation video

5. Random Act of Kindness: sent a letter thanking an old friend who helped me find ways to serve while was in Texas.

Day 1

1. Gratitude:
    a. finding the motivation to hang the rest of the wall photos
    b. friends inviting me to a ball
    c. having the time to paint my toenails

2.  It's amazing how something as simple and unexpected as classical music can be a soothing balm for a wounded heart.  Don't you worry, typical heartbreak.  It is so very difficult to end a relationship to a good man, a worthy man, that you know in your heart of hearts... he's just not the right fit.  At least at this time.  Who knows what the future will hold, but I realized that you marry the man who he is today, not something you hope he will become in the future.  Though I know I did the wounding to the both of us, it still can significantly hurt.  And so I was listening to a TED talk where a violinist started to play, and it was like instant water to desert soil.  No joke.  Needless to say, I was completely shocked; it stopped me dead in my tracks as I was cleaning the house.  I tested it out with Brahms, Mozart, Handel, Bach, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture.  The only one that was a definite nope was Orff's O Fortuna.  Offenbach's Barcarolle was especially soothing.  And so I am very grateful for this new discovery of classical music soothing a soul.

3.  Exercise: Dancing

4. 15 min Meditation Video

5. sent a text to a friend

I Choose Joy

It's been a minute since you've seen me around the block.  And I'd like to think quite a bit has changed over the years since my last post.  I've moved to SLC, and will be starting with the U of U.  I have a few weeks before my first day, and thought over this next little bit I'd take on the challenge of finding the good in life.  It all started with this TED talk.

5 Positive Points:

1. 3 New Points of Gratitude
2. Journal about one positive experience that occurred over the past 24 hrs
3. Exercise
4. Meditate
5. A Random Act of Kindness

So for the next 21 days I commit to sharing the positive in my little life.  :)